You played your cards right tonight.  In fact, your game was so solid that you’d spend a week thinking about it, if you didn’t have this girl’s ass bouncing on you in front of you.  You look over at the clock as things get started…2:04am Her tattoo on her lower back smiling back at you reminding you that you are the man! You hear her little moans and feel her legs twitching as you know you’re hitting the spot like a damn symphony orchestra.  You feel yourself about to cave in and look back at the clock and it’s 2:08am. Crap! Only 4 minutes!?

We’ve all been there before: you spend enough time wanting to get a particular girl alone.  When the time finally comes (no pun intended), you get so excited that your fluids are already on edge.  Here are three tips to make you last a little longer and transform you from being a guy whose performance and endurance in the bedroom/campus library/campus stairway will be stuff off legend, rather than stuff of laughter.

TIP # 1: DISTRACT YOURSELF

I know you want to soak it all in, but you can’t handle that right now.  Look around the room and assess the decor. Think about sports. Think about the homework you have and didn’t do.  Bite your tongue or cheek and make your mind focus on something other than the stimulation that your nerves are experiencing at the moment.  Keep your mind busy and try to think about anything NOT related to sex.  Hell, even think of someone hideous.  We recommend getting your hands on the above pillowcases to keep your mind off of things .

TIP # 2: CHANGE POSITIONS

Feeling everything you possibly can.  Imagine you have a small odometer or gauge of some kind.  0 being completely soft and 10 being the point of climax.  Every time you get between an 8 and 9, switch positions and let your meter go down a little bit before you blow it.  After awhile, you may find yourself almost stuck in the 8 or 9 area, even when you take a really short break to switch positions.  When that happens, you need to do the deed and go down on her.  This will give your blood enough time to leave the area that it is so concentrated in at the moment, which will then help you last longer.  Once you feel yourself lower to at least a 4 or 5, you can throw your “star player” back in the game.

TIP # 3: “THE MOVE”

There is a little move of sorts that will help you last longer.  It hurts a tad bit and for whatever reason, I am not a fan of it.  Essentially, the concept is to press (with force) two fingers on the tube you feel between your anus and genital region.  This “button” will clog any blood or semen flow for a sharp moment and cause a small amount of confusion through your nerve system.

PLAN B MATERIAL

Couldn’t control yourself and blew your load already?  There is still some hope for redemption…

Go down on her until you can get your blood flowing again.

Pinch some of the elastic on the condom and snap the condom against yourself.  Calmly tell her that the condom almost broke and you’re going to put in a new one.  That should buy you some time to get yourself “re-focused.”

Make me proud…

As you all know by now: when it comes to picking up girls, it’s all about confidence.  I compiled a list of a few songs that are perfect for listening to on your way to any bar, club, or party, where you plan on meeting your prey for the night.

Love the songs, hate the songs, love the artists, hate the artists.  The fact of the matter is: these songs will boost your confidence and are about you getting out there and getting the girl(s).

IF I WANT TO BY USHER

I’M FUCKING YOU TONIGHT BY B.I.G.

PIMPIN’ ALL OVER THE WORLD BY BOBBY VALENTINO FEAT. LUDACRIS

BIG PIMPIN’ BY JAY-Z

FREAK-A-LEAK BY PETEY PABLO

SUPERMAN BY EMINEM

GET NAKED BY METHODS OF MAYHEM

LOLLIPOP BY LIL WAYNE

BEAUTIFUL BY SNOOP DOGG

DON’T TRUST ME BY 3OH!3

CRAZY BITCH BY BUCK CHERRY

DEEP ENOUGH BY LIVE

SOMETHING IN YOUR MOUTH BY NICKELBACK

First off: know that as much as we want you to score, we can not do everything for you.  Our goal is to get you wide open and pass you the ball, for us to draw up a play leaving you wide-open in the endzone for a perfect spiral.  From there, the play-making is up to you…

We have all had those hot teachers before.  Usually, we fantasize about them.  Sometimes, we hear they hooked up with one of the students and raise our eyebrows thinking “that guy!?”. Rarely, “that guy” is you.

INTRODUCE YOURSELF EARLY

When the semester starts, stop by the teachers desk after class and just say you wanted to introduce yourself.  Let her know your name, what your major is, and then ask her a couple questions like where she went to school and what she studied (besides education).  If you sense some comfort on her part, then take it a step further. Use some double entendres and drop some key-words to get her thinking a little bit.

“I can imagine what it’s like the first day teaching a new class.  It always seems like the teacher is on a first date or something, they aren’t sure what to wear, what to talk about, what we’ll think of them.  Anyway, not to be a kiss-ass or anything close to that because as the semester goes on, you’ll see I’m anything but that, BUT if you need anything I’ve had a lot of classes with this group and I can help youo ut if you need anything.”

Why this is helpful: Even if your hot teacher did want to keep you after class, how could she ask you without making it obvious?  Offering to help her out or to lend an ear is significant because it is an invitation for the teacher to ask you to stay late a couple classes if she wants to.  Think of it this way: when you are going to score with someone, you don’t say “come to my place so I can score.” Instead, you say “come see my cool fishtank, or my crazy DVD collection” meanwhile, your victim knows they aren’t really going to your place to see your DVD collection. Ya dig?

SHOW YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

If you’re looking to get with a professor, keep your mouth shut in that class.  If she sees that you open your mouth and that you are loud and obnoxious and talk to everybody, she is going to be hesitant because she knows that more than likely, you will brag about your conquest underneath her libraian-esque outfits.  Laugh at jokes that you think are funny and keep to yourself.  The same way you’d want a younger chick to keep her mouth shut if you did something with her, you need to keep your trap closed OR at least show that you are capable of doing so.

BUILD RAPPORT

Build some rapport with the teacher and get her to talk about more than what goes on inside the classroom.  A big test or research paper coming up? Jokingly tell her “I hope you get to go out this weekend and have a good time to balance out the 500 hours you’ll spend grading those.”  Then a couple days after the due date: “so did you wind up getting to go out and shake off some of the stress?”

Tip: If that move is too ballsy for you, tell the teacher that you have a funny story to tell her.  Then after class, tell her that you went to [insert upscale older venue here] and thought you saw her there.  So you walked up to who you thought was her and by the time you realized that it wasn’t her, it was too late and you wound up having a couple of drinks and a conversation with some stranger.

GO FOR THE KILL

At midterms or the end of the semester, jokingly tell the professor that you owe her a drink for making it this far, but she’s not allowed to tell anybody about it because then the paparazzi will follow you around.  Pay very close attention to her reaction and you will either get a playful response, an invitation to do so when the semester is over, or a laugh and a small push in the opposite direction.  From there, take whichever path she opens up to you.

DON’T RUIN IT

When you do score, keep you’re mouth shut.  No matter how cool you think you are, bragging and talking about it is not a good idea.  You can get that teacher in serious trouble and also ruin a legendary hook-up.  So do what you can and bask in the glory and enjoy it, but be sure not to brag and make an ass out of yourself.

Make me proud…

Finals Suck.

They stress you out. Sometimes, they make you feel like you’re an idiot and everybody else is border-line genius. It puts you under pressure and your teacher just sits there, looking at you. Not just looking at you, but that look like they just got the last laugh or know something you don’t.

For most guys, a lot of this runs through our heads during exams. Imagine if we were girls: they freak out and get overwhelmed at the smallest things.

The point is: This is a great opportunity for you to make your move, Casanova. Whether you actually know the material, have to pretend to know the material, or don’t remember the name of the course, exams are ideal for getting close to a girl or two (or three).

PHASE I: ORGANIZE STUDY SESSION/STUDY GROUP

Simply approach girls in the class. Just go up to them and say “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to get together at the library or something to study for the exam coming up. ” You’ll be shocked by the results and how easily the majority of girls will say yes. 9 times out of 10, the girl will give you her number or ask for yours so you can talk later to decide when to meet up.

PHASE II: FOCUS ON GETTING THE GRADE

Congratulations, you already got her number. When you meet up with her, you need to really focus on getting some studying in. You have her number and now you have her alone or somewhat isolated outside of the classroom. While this is already a pretty sweet deal, you need to stay focused. I definitely recommend cracking jokes here and there to keep her entertained, but don’t overdo it. If you spend the whole time talking and laughing, she’ll be regretting your get-together when the exam is in front of her and she realizes she wasn’t ready for it (thanks to you). Focus on the material and just ask her questions about the material. Be sure to go over old homework, teachers love putting that on exams.

PHASE III: TAKE HER OUT

When the exam is over: You will know for a fact that she either passed or failed (sounds stupid, I know, but keep reading).

If she passed: Act super excited and tell her “That’s it! We need to go celebrate.” Be persistent in making plans to celebrate that she passed. It will fly right under her radar, you sly devil.

If she failed: Act sympathetic and pretend you did well. Pretend you did well: this way it seems like the study session was productive. Cheer her up by saying (with a smirk) “I’m really sorry you didn’t do well…I owe you a drink so you can cheer up or down in your misery.” Pick a date and suggest a nearby place to grab a drink.

You had a girl in your class that you barely talked to and you couldn’t make your move. You ended up getting her number within minutes, got to spend some time alone, and even got a date out of it. If she’s taken or doesn’t seem too receptive…you still end up going out for a drink with a cutie.  What did it cost you? Studying.

Working for Playboy and being in College definitely introduces me to the two best party scenes on the planet. Better yet, combine both of those and you have “Playboy’s Top Party Schools.” Having been to some of the most renowned Playboy events, and also partying with Campus Representatives at some of Playboy’s Top Party Schools, I have seen all that both party scenes have to give, I’m going to breakdown both:

• On one hand, I walked the red-carpet with some of the most beautiful women on the planet, A-List celebrities, and All-Star athletes.
• On the other hand, I have been to college parties where there is enough sex, drugs, and alcohol to make movies like Animal House, Old School, and Van Wilder, an understatement of how fun a college party could be.

THE COMPANY

Usually, it’s not where you go; it’s who you’re with. When it comes to a Playboy Party of one of the campuses on Playboy’s Top Party Schools…that is not the case.

Playboy Events: I could never take friends to a Playboy Event. I tried inviting a couple of friends once and they were like a kid in a Candy Store. Running up to celebrities and Playmates asking for autographs is ridiculous. When attending a Playboy party, you need to play it cool and just let the good times roll.

Fact: You will meet the sexiest women you have ever seen in your life.
Fact: They are down to Earth and more fun than you can imagine.
Fact: They carry themselves so well that your chances of hooking up are close to none.

When it comes to the guys at these parties, they are either a celebrity, athlete, or wipe their ass with hundred dollar bills. For the most part, all of them were really cool to me and almost acted inferior to me. However, there is no doubt in my mind that they only did that because I work these events and if I was just a random person, they would treat me like I didn’t belong there. Unfortunately for them, I did belong there. Even the models and Playmates felt I belonged there (at times being used as their human chair or as someone to dance with).

College: It takes an unbelievably outgoing person to show up to a college party alone. College parties are very “clicky” and although a lot of groups will be approachable, they always have that “who the fuck are you?” vibe. In my case, I was always alone or knew no more than three people when at these parties.

Fact: If you just socialize with enough people, you will hook-up.
Fact: You will encounter some kind of drama throughout the party and meet some people that you will want to kill in their sleep.
Fact: You will remember less than 25% of this party, and have no idea how the hell you got back home last night.

Something to consider: The party scene at any given campus is like a community. At some point the majority of the people within this community will have a giant web of hook-ups. Therefore, somebody is always hooking up with somebody else’s ex or somebody else’s friend with benefits, which lead to jealously, which lead to drama.

There are three types of girls at a college party. The kind that will hook-up with you that night (90% of them), then you have the kind that was dragged there by their friends and will flirt with you, but the most you are getting is a phone number (8%), and then you have your distractions (2%), which are usually the girls making out with each other, grinding up on each other, or dancing on a bar (they are there to tease and distract and they always go home alone).

There are two-types of guys at a college party: Douche-bags (75%), are the guys who are constantly trying to show off how macho they are or how funny and cool they think they are. Bromance material (25%), are the guys you will bond with in your drunkenness and wish that they could be your best man. From talking about sports, to making fun of the douche bags, these guys are your best friends in the world for the night (until tomorrow when they look familiar, but you can’t remember where you met them). Let’s not forget about that guy with the bottle. Every fucking Top Party School campus I visited had “that guy with the bottle” at their party. Everybody is just hanging out, enjoying their beer or whatever and there’s this angel in the shape of a man, with a bottle of Goose, Tequila, whatever and you know he cares about you. Why? Because he is sharing his bottle with everyone, even you! And sharing is caring. During my experience, everybody seemed chill, but since most people knew each other, they were talking about random people and things that I had no idea what the hell they were referring to.

THE ATMOSPHERE

Playboy Event: When it comes to a marquee Playboy Event, everybody is dressed to the nines. You’re surrounded by glamour, with smiles in every direction and your eyes will be in for a feast from the moment you arrive, until the event comes to a close. Yes, it is definitely something cool to experience, but it all comes down to how hard you like to party. As cool as the experience may be as a whole, your wild-side will have to be tamed and you’ll have to carry yourself well. The food and drinks will be some of the best tasting you’ve ever had, and the music will be some of the hottest songs and remixes you’ll ever hear.

College Party: People are all over the place. You have some girls wearing a mini-dress and heels, some girls who looked like they started to get dressed and said “fuck it, I’m just going in this”, some guys wearing fucking pajama pants, then there’s that idiot with his collar popped, even that asshole who is always wearing a hat (what are you hiding under that hat, hat man?). When it comes down to it: anything is fair game. It definitely feels good to be relaxed and know you’re in a place with 400 people (even if capacity is like 100), and you’re all there to let loose and have a good time. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want…no limits. Usually, you’ll have no idea what the hell you’re drinking (90% of the time it’s beer or jungle juice), but you’ll know it’s getting you fucked up and you’re loving every poisonous drop. You will hear the same 15-20 songs on fucking loop and wonder why nobody is changing the god damn playlist, but by your second drink, you wont be able to get enough of Lil Wayne, Bon Jovi, and Journey.

THE AFTERMATH

Playboy Party: Hands down, it is an experience that you will never forget. Any pictures that you take will make every single one of your friends jealous and envious. You’ll even leave the event more confident because you were just with a ton of really attractive and successful people. I always enjoy being at a Playboy event because you realize that it’s a different class of people than you see everyday. It’s like a fantasy land for a night, but it’s bittersweet because you want to go nuts and let loose like crazy, but you also need to keep yourself under control to reflect the kind of class that the event represents. All in all, it is a fucking sick experience that will raise all of your standards in every way substantially.

College Party:You’ll wake up with a killer hangover sometime in afternoon. You’ll Thank God that your liver is still functioning. Every single time, I woke up around 2:00, ate enough food that would have been able to feed an African village, and tried to remember who the hell the new names were in my phone. One time, I woke up with the taste of smoke in my mouth. I asked my friend if I hooked up with a girl who was smoking and he told me “Nope. You accidentally drank from a beer that we were ashing in.” Fuck my life. Parts of your body will be sore and you’ll be a detective trying to figure out exactly what the fuck happened for the next few hours (until the next party starts).

And it goes on and on and on and ooonnnnn…

There are so many different types of girls out there.  High maintenance girls, emo girls, chill girls, chubby girls, clingy girls, and the list goes on and on…

When it all comes down to it, and you’re trying to evaluate the likely hood of you hooking up with one of these girls, then they can all be broken down into three types.

GIRL TYPE I: AN EXHIBIT A GIRL

Rarely going to be the most desirable girl in the room; however, this is the girl that you know you can hook-up with tonight.  Maybe she is very drunk, maybe she is laughing at every single thing you tell her, maybe she mentioning that she hasn’t had sex in a long time.  Whatever the reason, you can spot these girls with ease.  They are on the prowl, and they are looking to get laid.  Ask girls you are friends with, I’m sure they’ll admit that they have friends like this.

Breaking News: Girls like sex too.  Just because she knew what she wanted and hooks up with you doesn’t really make her a slut.  So, if you see her out next time and talking to some other guy, there is no reason to treat her like shit.  You both shared a good time, leave it on a note where you can look at each other and smile, knowing you still have her nail marks on your back.

TYPE II: EXHIBIT B GIRL

Plain and simple, these girls are not going to hook-up with you tonight.  They are the girls that will flirt with you and will be interested in you, but for whatever reason…not tonight.  Sometimes, it is just because they have their friends out with them and don’t want to ditch their friends.  That doesn’t mean you won’t eventually hook-up, though.  Exhibit B girls are the type that will give you their number and would be open to a couple of dates before they feel more comfortable hooking up with you.

Insider Tip: An Exhibit B Girl is a great investment.  They carry themselves well and are classier than the Exhibit A type, and you know that they aren’t very easy.  Therefore, if you see them talking to another guy the next week at the bar, you don’t have to go into a jealously rage, but can crack up knowing that this guy isn’t getting any from just talking to her one night.  These girls are great for a relationship down the road.  Whether that relationship be friends with benefits, or something more exclusive, they aren’t as dangerous as the Exhibit A Girl

TYPE III: DISTRACTIONS

You’ve seen this girl before.  The one dancing on the bar, making out with her friends, practically scissoring her girlfriends on the dance floor.  Every guy in the room is watching these girls, buying them drinks, trying to talk to them.  By the end of the night, they don’t get with anybody.  They are there to distract you and waste your time and money (if you are dumb enough to buy them drinks).  These girls love the attention and quite frankly, the attention seems to be more than enough to keep them satisfied.

Why Distractions are useful: While guys that would normally seem like your competition are too focused on the girl dancing on top of the bar and taking body shots off of her girlfriends, this is your time to clean up on the other girls that aren’t in the middle of the crowd.  Go for the distraction’s friend who is holding her drunk ass friend’s bag.

Happy Hunting, Campus Throne Army…Make me proud…

You’re finishing up those papers and exams that your professors have piled on right before Spring Break. The only thing on your mind is getting to the beach and meeting some sexy coeds.  On top of that little taste of heaven, it’s getting hotter out by the day. Girls are wearing their skirts and tank-tops. Soon enough, you’ll be seeing them all in their bathing suits. While the great gods of Spring Break will make picking up girls as easy as hunting at the zoo or fishing in a fish tank, this article will expand your beach-game to have you ready for a warm spring and hot summer.

Although it is my job to turn you into a charismatic charmer, I highly suggest working out to have your body beach ready. Not sure how? Check out some of our workout articles. If there is one thing we’d like you to remember and realize, it would be that girls look at muscles the way that we look at breasts. We won’t ignore a girl without them and we won’t mention it or complain, but at the same time…having them is a difference-maker and puts you in a new league.

Anyway, let’s get down to business. You’re supposed to be a man of charisma, a man of smoothness. People should look at you and just smile, knowing you’re fun and cool to be around. From the drink in your hand, to the silence that carries over the room when you start to speak…all eyes are on you.

TOOLS

• You MUST bring a cooler to the beach. Fill your cooler with good drinks, not Costco brand water. When (not if) you bring a girl over to your section of the beach, having something to offer her is key.
• Bring a ball. Something to play with, something active. If you’re hunting for milfs and cougars, their little kids will come and ask to play with you, which sets you up gloriously. If you’re aiming to pick up college girls, they get bored easily and will ask to play. We recommend bringing a volleyball. Why? Because it’s easy to play, girls love it, and it’s laid back and fun. On top of that, it doesn’t put you and the girl 20 yards away from each other the way that a football, soccer ball, or baseball would. Being closer to each other means more conversation, more laughing, more interaction, and more comfort.

BREAKING THE ICE

There is no need for me to tell you that you should have a slight grin and smile on your face the majority of the time. People should look at you and think “great time.” Luckily for a stalker like you, it seems perfectly normal to just wander around the beach. Therefore, while you are smiling and taking a stroll, you’ll be seeing women that may be doing the same. Upon making eye contact with them, calmly say “I was going to wear the same bathing suit as you…it’s a good thing I didn’t because then we’d have problems.” Say it clear and make sure you are heard because if she says “say it again, I didn’t hear you” you’re going to feel slightly awkward. When she hears your ice breaker, I promise you…she’ll be smiling. Follow-up with a friendly “next time we may have to schedule to make sure we don’t end up matching.” Ice = shattered.

 PLANTING THE SEED

Next time you cross paths with her, bring her a nice cold drink from your cooler. Tell her you “overstocked your cooler and thought you’d share your drinks with her.” Then playfully explain “just to make this clear, I’m offering you a drink…I’m not buying you a drink. You’re not really the type of girl I’d buy a drink for.” Make sure you smile while saying that or you may end up with a flip-flop across the face.

She’ll either laugh it off or say “oh yeah, what type of girl do you buy drinks for.” And this is where you explain that she shouldn’t take offense, you just buy drinks for fun girls who earn it (…pause…) by playing volleyball with you. She’ll then laugh at your double entendre and even if she doesn’t play with you…she is laughing and you have a gentle/fun bond with this smoking hot bikini babe.

Whether she plays or not…you need to leave soon. Simply say “thanks for entertaining me during my day at the beach. I love coming here and my friend that I used to go with me recently moved. If you ever need a ride to the beach or a person to go with, just scream my name at the top of your lungs or call me.”  

This will then go one of two ways:

• She will ask for your number or offer hers.
• She will just crack up, which is also fine.

Not only did you spend the day with a hot girl at the beach, but the odds are greatly in your favor that you will see her again at the beach. Not only do most people always drive to the same section of the beach where they are familiar, but they usually look to put their towel down in the same vicinity too. Your time spent talking to her is an investment for the next time you cross paths, and is also practice for you pulling game on the next girl.

SECURITY

If ever, you see that a girl you have been hitting on has a boyfriend. Quickly shift the conversation to “anyway, I’ve been trying to find my girlfriend…have you seen her? Tall, thin, dark hair, light eyes, etc.” When the boyfriend approaches, he’ll see that you were just asking a friendly question and you can then even ask the boyfriend if he “saw your girlfriend.” This will save you from any confrontations.

…Make me proud

Let us be completely honest ladies and gentlemen: nice guys do not finish last.

For the most part, they do finish with the girl.  However, sticking with the honesty and reality, this is usually after the assholes already had their way with her.

It’s not so much that the girl likes the fact that a guy treats them like a piece of shit, but it is the qualities that the “assholes” usually have that make them more exciting and interesting.

Let me break this down for you…

Qualities of an Asshole:

CONFIDENCE

You don’t like what the asshole has to say? Oh well…someone else will.  He’s confident, he’s secure about himself and his word.  Imagine you’re about to buy a car from someone.  Would you rather him say “this is the best car you could possibly buy” or would you rather him say “this car could be a good car.  It’s not bad. Please buy this car and give it a chance.” I know the analogy could seem weird; however, in relationships, you need to sell yourself in the beginning on why you’re a good fit for the girl and why it would be the best idea for her to spend time with you and no other guy trying to get with her.

WILLING TO LEAVE ON A MOMENTS NOTICE

You want to be a bitch? Okay, peace out.  When a girl pisses off an asshole, you’ll rarely see them flip out or be dramatic.  What do they do?  They completely ignore the girl.  If she’s a bitch, they just leave her side and will talk to another girl.  Even if the girl says “whatever” or will go to dance with another guy or something, you’ll see her constantly looking back at the asshole hoping that he is looking at her or giving her some kind of attention.

ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME

This is huge. An asshole will rarely take a girl out to dinner, to see a chick flick, to a theatre.  As fun and sweet as those things may be, very rarely are they the really good time that you are dying for.  An asshole takes a girl out for drinks (not wine, drinks), takes a girl jet-skiing, out dancing.  Plain and simple, when that asshole comes to mind, as many words as you can use to describe them, “fun” will always be one of them.

Qualities of the Nice Guy:

TOO THOUGHTFUL

Being thoughtful is supposed to be a good thing.  Being too thoughtful is a curse.  This one guy I had class with each of the last 3 semesters always falls for some girl in any of our damn classes. It’s ridiculous.  Anyway, when he decides on his crush, he says “hi” to them everyday, drives them to class, buys them coffee, the whole nine yards.

The problem is: the girl gets used to it and the one day he cannot get her coffee or drives her to class late, she seems disappointed.  The guy has been doing the right thing all along, and although she appreciates it, she’s used to him doing the right thing, so when he doesn’t she’s a little disappointed.

*Then comes a guy like me who watches this whole scenario unfold and I won’t talk much to the girl.  However, when I finally do see her on campus or even early to class today and I say with a strong tone “Hey!.” She responds with a nice “hi!” and her face is lit up like I gave her a dozen roses.  Now isn’t that fucked? Me saying “hi!” lights this girl up because she feels so special that I’m finally doing it.  Meanwhile, as nice as my “competition” has been, he set himself up for things to be expected of him.

This is the same concept as when you call your friends.  You have those friends that always pick up the phone when you call them and you appreciate that they do, but you never really think too deeply into it.  When the day comes where you call them a couple times and they don’t pick up, you leave a message and may mumble a small “what the fuck!?”

Then you have those friends who you always have to leave a voicemail for, or you text them and they respond hours later.  When they pick up, you have a smile on your face and are happy and even hang up with more of a “he’s the man!” kind of feeling for the time being.

TOO FORGIVING

We were raised to forgive someone when they say sorry.  If a girl cancels plans with a nice guy or cannot make it, he responds with a soft “no problem, maybe next time.” Sure. Put her on your calling list for every time you make plans and call her to see if she’s coming out. By then, she’ll offer to call you back while she tries to see if there is anything better to do before agreeing to hang out.

INSECURITY

A nice guy will be as chivalrous as possible.  He will offer his coat, won’t burp, will hold doors and all that good stuff.  When he misses a door, or does release some gas, or doesn’t have an umbrella to hold for a girl, he’ll end up apologizing (which nice guys do way too often), or will start sweating profusely like he is about to have an anxiety attack.  He is usually asking the girl “are you okay?”

If you are at a restaurant, isn’t it annoying when the server asks “is everything okay here…everything alright?” Is it not supposed to be okay?

Becoming the Hybrid

Girls always complain that they want a nice guy.  However, when it comes down to it, they crumble to the temptations of the asshole.  After she gets her heart broken, she’ll eventually find herself wanting the nice guy…by then, it’s too late. Here is how you can avoid this ridiculous cycle and take the best from both roles in the land of relationships.

BE CONFIDENT

From the clothes you are wearing, to the way your hair came out, you know you look sharp…show it. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Smile. Speak clearly and articulate. You’ll be leaking confidence and charisma like crazy.

At the end of the night: Don’t ask “I hope you had a good time tonight.” Tell her “I know because you had a blast you may want to plan another date now, but if you want to hang out again, you’ll have to call my secretary and set something up.”

BE DECISIVE

It’s not “where do you want to go?” or “what do you feel like doing?” It is “Be ready at 8:00, put on your favorite heels, leave your problems at home.”

You should rarely say “I don’t know.” Make plans and be assertive.  Girls are indecisive as is.

BE THOUGHTFUL  (BUT BE CREATIVE, NOT CLICHE)

Don’t show up with a dozen roses and pay for everything.  Pay for the tickets or dinner and when she thanks you, smile and say “whoa whoa whoa, you’re paying for the popcorn/first round of drinks.” Every girl will crack up at this.

If she doesn’t seem to dig it too much, say calmly “it’s my gold-digger test.”

BE FUN

If you’re taking her out to dinner, tell them it’s her birthday, so when they show up with cake and start singing she’s stuck iN “wtf” land and laughing her ass off.

If you guys are going to a show or something, spice it up by going out for drinks before or after.

If you’re going to the movies, pick something funny, exciting or scary.

LEAVE WHEN IT’S TIME TO LEAVE

Treat time spent with girls the way that you should a phone call.  After the day or night has reached it’s peak and the fun and excitement is starting to go downhill, slowly bring the occasion to a close.

Similarly, once a conversation gets quite and there isn’t too much left to say, say you have to get going.  You always want her leaving you and hanging up the phone with you with a smile and never sighing “finally” after you leave.

Feel cool because you are hooking up with two girls, big shot?  Feel like a pimp because they’re poking you on facebook and writing some mushy shit on your wall? If that is enough to get you off, then keep it up.

If you are done having facebook sex and want to shift gears smoother, then you need to wise up.

I know that it feels good having girls write on your wall.  Other girls see that, some want you and you feel like a pimp.  At the same time, this is going to be a huge bump in the road to getting anything more than a facebook poke.

Imagine going to write on a girl’s wall and all you see are guidos and meatheads writing comments like “Good shit last night, baby.”  Or whatever random ass bullshit. You’ll consider the girl trash.

That is why you need to cover your tracks. People will cockblock you enough, there is no need to cockblock yourself.

Your Wall

Cover your tracks: Not even God is safe

If a girl thinks she has something going with you, and sees that another girl is thanking you for a good time, things are going to get messy.  Usually, you’d have to deny it, only to get caught in the future when she really explodes for you lying AND playing her.  Keep wall posts that may be revealing to a minimum. Don’t send flirty double entendre comments to kick game on her wall, because her response could blow up your spot entirely.  Also, keep wall posts from your friends filtered.  The last thing you need is a dumb as comment by one of your friends saying “Piiiiiiimp, I can’t believe you went home with that girl” to raise suspicion.

Pictures

It’s cool to take fun and flirty pictures, but save them on your hard-drive and un-tag them.  Having pictures of you with other girls is going to raise suspicion and may fend off any insecure girls that are interested in you.
Refuse to the “the couple” picture.  Standing side by side or hugging and smiling is a huge no-no.  One look, and people will assume you’re in a relationship.  You don’t need that shit.

Relationship Status

Always leave blank.  If you’re dating a girl, it doesn’t say you’re single.  If you’re single, it doesn’t say you’re off limits.  Leaving it blank will leave girls who are interested in you wondering if you’re single or taken.  This is THE BIGGEST sign that a girl is interested. “Do you have a girlfriend?” Why the fuck would she care? Don’t give me that “she’s just curious” bullshit.  Leave your relationship status blank, making a girl have to confront you to see if you’re available for her.

Note: If you’re relationship status is blank, she is going to dig into your pictures and wall posts to try to put the pieces together herself.  This is where you need to have discipline and be smooth.  Casanova and James Bond didn’t brag about the girls they could have whenever they wanted.  They kept their mouth shut.  Casanova eventually wrote a memoir about his “conquests”, and if you play your cards right by listening to us, you’ll be having to keep lists of your own to keep track.

It’s true: You’ll be getting laid in college probably more than any other period in your life.  Especially if you’ve been listening to us.

One of the most frustrating moments is having a girl ready to go, but you have nowhere to take her.  Maybe you live with your parents, maybe your roomies are filthy animals or need the room for the night, whatever the case may be…you need somewhere to take her while she’s hot.  Hotels can be expensive, and you hardly get any privacy in the closet at the party or the bathroom at the bar, so having sex in a car is definitely a viable option.

Whether it’s your car, a friends, or just a car on the block that happened to be open (believe us, it happens), the girl will be much more comfortable and the whole experience will be much more enjoyable if you can just follow a few very simple tips.

LOCATION

Having sex in a car right outside of the house of a party is never a good idea.  Try to drive down the block or park further away when you arrive to plan for the night’s “activities.” If you can get a little more privacy, even a car with tinted windows would help, you’ll be suprised at how much more active she will be.

THE BACKSEAT

The most viable option (especially if you’re driving an SUV).  You don’t have a sterring wheel or stick shift in the way, and she even has handles above the backseat windows to hold on to.  Sit down, get comfortable, and bask in the moment as she  sits on you.

Laying down in the backseat is much more difficult than people realize.  The ceiling is low, there isn’t much surface area for the 8 limbs on both of your bodies, and unless you can put down your backseats to give you more room to work with, your angles will be very limited.

FRONTSEAT

Get your ass in the passenger seat, recline it all the way and let her sit on top.  There is no sense in trying with the drivers seat because the steering wheel will be in the way of her showing you how flexible she can be.

If you’re in the driver’s seat, she could press the horn if she leans back (not good), and she could accidently have her mouth on the stick shift if she’d trying to get to you from the passenger’s seat.

SEX ON THE CAR

The hood is a perfect surface to lay her on.  Even if she bends over on it, it makes everything much easier.  Everybody does like to have sex in random and crazy places at times, but you should still opt for some level of privacy.  Doing this will make the memory be a crazy place AND awesome sex, rather than just being that time you did it on the car.

CLEAN-UP

Make sure you get any of her earrings, underwear, etc. out of there ASAP.  It won’t be the last time you lead a woman there, and the last thing you need is evidence that this is where you take your prey.  Besides, watch Mom and Dad borrow the car one day and find a thong in there.  Then you’ll be stuck telling them either the truth, or pretending to be a cross-dresser.

…Drive safely…