Courtesy of Explicitgamer.com

Earlier today a professionally done short film was released on YouTube leading to immense speculation, excitement, and several Mortal Kombat fan-boys frothing at the mouth. The director of last years’ “Fame,” Kevin Tancharoen, took the helm of the short film entitled “Mortal Kombat: Rebirth” with the help of kombat khoreographer Larnell Stovall and a solid supporting kast of kharacters [Ed: You're killin' me man!].

Apparently the brilliantly done short film/teaser is a test for a potential R-rated reboot of the Mortal Kombat film franchise (long dead since Mortal Kombat: Annihilation in 1997). If this is indeed a test, my verdict can be summed up in two words “Flawless Victory” – and considering the fact that the video is spreading across the internet like wild-fire I’m going to assume I’m not the only one who enjoyed it. Either way, make sure you watch the video below and comment with your own thoughts and opinions.

WARNING: Graphic/disturbing content – watch at your own risk.

Mortal Kombat

Credits:

• Directed by:  Kevin Tancharoen
• Choreography by: Larnell Stovall
• Michael Jai White as Jackson “Jax” Briggs
• Jeri Ryan as Sonya Blade
• Matt Mullins as Johnny Cage
• Lateef Crowder as Dr. Alan “Baraka” Zane
• Ian Anthony Dale as Hanzo “Scorpion” Hasashi

Courtesy of Explicitgamer.com

Video games are awesome, but you know what’s better? Having a t-shirt of yourself giving the thumbs up and wearing it 6 days of the week (you’ve got to wash it once you know). Something else male gamers as simple-minded as myself tend to enjoy is another aspect of life aside from our virtual entertainment, and that’s the enigmatic and sometimes intimidating female creatures. Everyone has their own distinctive way of approaching the opposite gender. Like me for instance, I like to let them know that I am royalty on another planet and my favorite food is red. This tactic has a 2% success rate based on statistics I made up because whenever I actually see a girl I tend to grunt like monkey and sprint in the opposite direction.

I feel other gamers have the same problem when approaching ladies, so I figured who better to ask than the video game characters we idolize. I decided to interview a handful of strong male protagonists to see what their “smooth moves” were. All interviews obviously took place in my head considering they are fictional characters and I have no friends.

Nathan Drake (Uncharted series): “Girls really like a good bullet sponge. You never know when you’re going to be on a date and when a relevant plot point pops up an army of mercenaries just happen to spawn after an explosion right before you go in for a kiss. These moments tend to turn into an escort mission because Nathan Drake doesn’t do co-op, also he refers to himself in the third person. In a relationship that’s built off of age-old action movie cliches you want to show her that you can take an obscene amount of bullets and as long as you take cover for a few seconds when the world magically turns into black and white. Chicks really dig that, also half tuck your shirt.”

Kratos (God of War series): “A woman can really appreciate a man who’s in touch with his feelings. They want a guy that can remind her she’s beautiful even when she’s wearing sweatpants and her hair’s messy. They like a guy that isn’t afraid to write poetry, or cry in front of her when he’s having a rough week. Also, they like a man who knows when to walk away from a fight, because it takes the bigger man to realize violence isn’t the answer to everything.”

Marcus Fenix (Gears of War series): “Fucking shit…”

Captain Price (Call of Duty – Modern Warfare series): “Girls appreciate a man’s man, which can be measured in only one way, handlebar mustache. A handlebar mustache is the epitome of manliness, with just a dash of more manliness sprinkled on top. A handlebar mustache tells people that I am cultured, but if you ask me about my feelings I’ll punch you in the face.”

Cloud (Final Fantasy 7): “Let’s not beat around the bush (pun intended) it’s all about the size of the sword, enough said.”

There you have it, some positive words of encouragement from some of gaming’s best heroes. Now get out there gamers and go put some of this good advice to the test on the streets, the bars, or a knife store (wherever you meet women, I’m not judging!)

Courtesy of ExplicitGamer.com

There has been a hunger for a great western game for as long as I can remember.  So many strong open-world titles have been flooding our consoles that gamers are beginning to look for a new setting, a western setting.  Gun, Call of Juarez, and Red Dead Revolver all tried to feed those desires, but fell short.  With my thirst unsatisfied, my mouth watered over every drop of information that Rockstar gave me concerning Red Dead Redemption, a game that promised to take sandbox and western games to a new level.  Did Red Dead Redemption live up to the hype?  Was my mind blown by the story that Rockstar had to tell?  Was my hunger subdued by John Marston’s revolver?

Yes. Yes, it did.

Story

The story opens up very pretty.  You hop off the train in an old, rugged, western town and are tasked with finding a contact in the town’s saloon. The drunks are getting an early start as they stumble around the room. Your contact has found himself a tasty treat which he quickly abandons when you show up.  Together you ride off on your horse to hunt down Bill Williamson, an old friend you’ve been commissioned to take down. After an unpleasant confrontation, Bill and his posse shoot you and leave you for dead. Luckily a nice rancher girl picks you up and nurses you back to health.

John Marston is someone who seems to have experienced the rugged and brutal hand of western life, and you quickly find out that he’s not one to let circumstances take him down. The eve of this story finds Mr. Marston in conflict with filthy government officials who have kidnapped his wife and child and held them ransom until John finishes his task. Set at the brink of the western world, the conflict between the wild west citizen and an ever-encroaching government is noticed beyond Marston’s circumstances (and is clearly evident in the world around him.) With Marston determined to complete his task despite the casualties, our journey opens up.

Gameplay

In a western movie, there is almost always that character that is well known for the great and/or terrible things they do. Clint Eastwood was feared by many people in the movies he appeared in, and friends flocked to his protection while enemies quivered in his presence.  John Marston is given the same opportunity in his tale.  You will quickly make a name for yourself if you gallop into town slaughtering innocent bystanders, but don’t expect the shopkeeper of the general store to invite you in kindly the next time you roll into town. On the other hand, helping out that shopkeeper who was just robbed will keep the townspeople friendly and on your side.

Herding cattle, racing horses, and saving crops are just a few of the duties that you will tend to when the game starts.  As is expected, Rockstar rolls out the mainline story by throwing letter icons on your map that lead you to characters who need your help.  You may feel tied down to these icons at first, but if you are the type of person who likes to get the lay of the land before you take care of business then you can get started almost right away.  You can ride off into the sunset and help that damsel in distress; or you can take the bandit approach and ride into town shooting every innocent bystander on the way.  

The Sandbox

When roaming around in Marston’s world, things can get hectic, and occasionally you want to kick back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.  Well, Rockstar has made sure that there are plenty of things to keep you occupied while on your travels.  There is a wide variety of mini-games that Marston can engage in throughout the world.  If poker is your thing, then throw on the “Elegant Suit” and play a few hands of poker, the dishonest way.  Or perhaps you want to put your reflexes and memory to the test, if so then “Five Finger Fillet” will make your virtual extremities cry out in agony.  The mini-game list is unprecedented, and makes Grand Theft Auto 4 look amateur in comparison.  Each game has it’s own challenges and unique controls that put your skills to the test.

There is also a vast array of challenges that await you if you find yourself wanting to nitpick the game and find it’s full potential.  When I was flipping through my journal I found that by completing certain tasks like, shooting five birds, or harvesting five of a particular type of plant, I would gain a rank in that respective field.  Leveling these up gives the character a bonus depending on the field.

Back to the Story

At some point you will have to tackle the storyline, and unfortunately it can drag.  The characters are fleshed out well and they make each interaction enjoyable, but being an errand boy is only fun for so long. John Marston happens to be one of the strongest video game character’s I’ve ever spent time with. Seeing his constant struggle to choose between right and wrong, and being able relate to his familial ties are what make Marston stand out above the crowd.  It’s actually what Rockstar does at the end of the story that makes you realize how much you are connected to him.

What may seem right may not always be right here in the wild west.  Just because a man tells you that he needs a ride into town doesn’t mean that he’s just going to hop on to the back of your horse.  Similarly, don’t expect every “damsel in distress” to be sweet an innocent.  There’s a lot of corruption out here, and it will send you to your grave quickly if you aren’t quick on your feet.  But don’t let this discourage you from helping out that lone wanderer who needs you to retrieve his stolen wagon, there’s reward for those who are kind.

Though the end and beginning of the game are strong points in the time line, there are a few bumpy spots in the middle.  During the first chunk of the game I found myself latching on to the personalities of my comrades, but the story and characters quickly lost their flare as the game progressed into Mexico.  There were a few hiccups, and a few quests that became more of an irritation that anything else. But overall the story pulled me in, and thanks to those end game decisions by Rockstar, I was pulled into the setting in a very emotional way.

Controls

To add to the list of strengths, the game handles well enough, and horse travel is a blast.  I ran into a few problems from time to time, especially when playing dangerously close to a cliff and my horse decides to leap when he (or she) should have opted to halt otherwise.  Making quick turns and staying on the beaten path can be a pain, but travel is fun and it’s refreshing to watch the sun set over the plains as you’re parading across the west.  If you ever feel that your horse is a little slow, then don’t hesitate to lasso a wild one up and break it in.  Shootin’ ain’t that bad either; and it shouldn’t be considering it’s a western.  It may not be perfect, but as long as you keep enemies a safe distance away from you then you will have minimal problems while gunslingin’.  Enemies can be overwhelming, and it’s not uncommon to find yourself close to death and surrounded by an army.  Have no fear, Dead Eye is here!  A staple from Red Dead Revolver has returned, and it’s stronger than ever.  When you find yourself in these sticky situations, enter Dead Eye, and tag your enemies while time has slowed.  If done right, you’ll find your overwhelming opposition sprawled out on the ground in a matter of seconds.

Graphics and Sound

Despite some stiff animations and poor character graphics, the world around you is absolutely stunning.  Throw in some killer tracks and on-par voice acting and you’ve got a great experience.  Riding into Fort Mercer and seeing the painted sky over the vast plain offered a great taste of things to come. Likewise, when I finally made my trek into Mexico, I was greeted by the sound of rain beating down on the dirt road while a somber western-esque song played in the background, it was game-changing and embodied the feeling that Rockstar was trying communicate.  And the way they made tall grass rustle in the wind or part upon the disturbance of an armadillo is leagues beyond what some of our most praised games are able to do.  Every second of the game was dripping with sweet stimulation and helped present an enjoyable experience.

Overall

If I don’t have you convinced by now then I fear there’s not much else I can do.  Red Dead Redemption has set a new benchmark for gaming and offers gamers an engrossing experience and hours upon hours of gameplay.  A few notches made the record skip, but the music was still great, and I will surely come back for more in the future.  Needless to say, there is plenty to admire here, but don’t neglect to take a few moments to give you and your horse a rest and enjoy that sunset every once in a while.

Courtesy of ExplicitGamer

It seems that Top 10, Top 20, or Top-whatever lists litter the gaming world.  We can’t help but compare our likes and dislikes to that of others who share the same hobby of playing video games.  That is why The Guinness Book of World Records has released a “Top 50 Video Game Series” list that is sure to have gamers all over the world griping and complaining about why their favorites didn’t make the list.

In a recent voting poll hosted by the Gamer Edition of The Guinness Book of World Records, 13,000 readers had the opportunity to vote for their favorite video game series of all-time.  The results are in, and just in case you can’t (or don’t want to) purchase that huge book that feeds you a bunch of useless information, we list them here for all to enjoy.

1. Halo
2. Call of Duty
3. The Legend of Zelda
4. Guitar Hero
5. Metal Gear
6. Super Mario Bros.
7. World of Warcraft
8. Gears of War
9. Super Smash Bros.
10. Grand Theft Auto
11. Pokemon
12. Resident Evil
13. Fallout
14. Half-Life
15. Sonic the Hedgehog
16. Counter-Strike
17. Runescape
18. FIFA
19. Kingdom Hearts
20. Final Fantasy
21. Pac-Man
22. Madden NFL
23. The Sims
24. Tomb Raider
25. WWE Smackdown Vs. RAW
26. Rock Band
27. LittleBigPlanet
28. Saints Row
29. The Elder Scrolls
30. God of War
31. GoldenEye 007
32. Bioshock
33. KillZone
34. Skate
35. Left 4 Dead
36. Need for Speed
37. Chrono Trigger
38. Gran Turismo
39. StarCraft
40. Ratchet & Clank
41. Pong
42. Tom Clancy’s
43. Star Wars: Battlefront
44. Battlefield
45. Diablo
46. Lego Batman
47. Mario Kart
48. Burnout
49. Crash Bandicoot
50. Pro Evolution Soccer

There are definitely a few shockers on the list, like Saints Row beating out Elder Scrolls, or Pro Evolution Soccer making the list rather than the much loved Mega Man series. Other than these glaring abnormalities, the list seems fairly accurate.  So do you think Halo deserves the top spot?  Or would you rather have seen Cooking Mama take home the gold?

While rumors pegged LeBron James, Derrick Rose and even Tyreke Evans as favorites to appear on the cover of “NBA 2K11,” multiple sources have told ESPN that the company has gone in a completely different direction, signing basketball legend Michael Jordan as its new spokesman.

This will be the first time that a former player will appear on the front of the box for 2K, and with Jordan taking over majority ownership of the Charlotte Bobcats, it will also be the first time that a team owner will endorse the popular franchise.

But the real question is, what value — beyond obvious name and iconic image recognition — will Jordan bring to the game? In the era of Kobe and King James, are gamers still yearning to “Be Like Mike”?

The designers at 2K must think so. In addition to acting as cover model for “NBA 2K11,” the speculation is that Jordan will also be digitized into a playable character. This means gamers will become the virtual MJ in hopes of reliving some of his trademark moments.

There’s more. I’ve even heard whispers that 2K has been in negotiations with several players (both teammates and opponents) from the Jordan era to appear in “2K11″ to help gamers and history buffs accurately recreate the heated competition between the classic Bulls and rivals like the Celtics, Knicks and Cavaliers. But since 2K needs to ink all former players to individual contracts, it’s still up in the air whom the company will be able to sign in time to appear in the game.

But if this means we finally get a virtual Craig Ehlo to shoot over as we relive Jordan’s famous jumper that doomed the Cavs, or maybe even a cyber Larry Bird describing MJ’s game as “God disguised as Michael Jordan” after Jordan dropped 63 against the Celtics, then I’m all for it.

Hopefully more will be made clear once 2K Sports officially unveils the game to the media during the E3 video game convention in June.

Written by ExplictGamer.com

When you open your game out of that shiny new plastic wrap it decreases in value much like a car. It is one of the few things that you can buy that can’t be brought back if it isn’t what you expected. What are your options, though? We all know about trading games in at Gamestop, Game Crazy, EB Games, etc. Have you ever stopped to think about what kind of deal you’re actually getting when you trade in your games? In this article I am going to talk about a few of the well known, and not so well known methods to get the most for your games without feeling ripped off.

Gamestop/EB Games:

The gaming juggernaut! Most of us have visited there a few times or so and know what they are about. They have over 4,500 stores worldwide and they want our used games! Sounds like a good idea, right? You trade in old stuff that you don’t play anymore towards the purchase of a new game. Have you ever really thought about how much you are losing in these tradeoffs? Just the other day my brother bought Mass Effect 2 ($60) beat it in 4 days, turned around and traded it (He got $35 in store credit, also used my “Edge” card) and bought M.A.G. ($60). In breaking it down mathematically he spent over $95 dollars to walk away with one game. That’s not to mention that if you brought in 3 games that at one time cost you $60 dollars apiece and traded them in at $20 dollars in trade-in-credit for 1 game…that would be as if you spent $120 for the new one. Just unbelievable! Another thing to note is how much you get back if you are trading in games for cash. I understand times are hard and even I have had to go this route before to pay a bill. Let’s take that new copy of Mass Effect for example.  Store Credit will get you $35, however if you are trading in the game for cash they shave an extra 20% off, making the game only worth $28, a game at that point was less than a week old.

The Upsides:

Yes, this is not the best route to go, but there are some things that Gamestop/EB does right. They offer an “Edge” card for around 14.99 that gets you a modest 10% off of used games and accessories while netting you an extra 10% in STORE CREDIT towards your next purchase. You also get a year’s subscription, to what in my opinion is one of the best gaming publications out there, Game Informer. There is also the convenience of one of those places being within 20 minutes of your house. They have a policy on their used products, so if they don’t work you can always bring them back in and swap them out for one that does. Gamestop and EB also let you pre-order games. A lot of places do that now, so it isn’t that new of a concept, but they are getting a lot of the game companies to throw in extra incentives for pre-ordering it there. Gamestop may offer to give exclusive in game content, a shirt or a figurine to pull you in.

E-Bay/Craig’s List:

By far the best alternative when it comes to naming your price. You are able to scroll through hundreds of listings hoping to find the best price. In the case of E-bay however you have to be willing to bid against other people around the clock. There is no resting easy, even to the very last minute someone can overtake you by pennies. The nice thing though is that there are customer reviews, so you know if you are dealing with a reputable seller, or if you have someone who is sketchy at best. You also have the protection of “Pay Pal” that will help track down your money if you don’t receive the product. In Craig’s Lists case, you can really negotiate. Most people put games up there because they are in dire need of the money and don’t want to deal with all the paper work and shipping costs that come along with E-bay. Now, I have been rather lucky with the Craig’s List option, but I have heard horror stories, and dealing with expensive electronics you never know who you are actually going to be meeting. You are putting a lot of trust in a person you know little about.

The Upside:

I talked about all the types of protection there is with E-bay, but Craig’s List has its upsides too. Make sure to meet at a neutral meeting area.  Like I said, you don’t know these people, and they aren’t the type of user reviews that there is on E-bay. However, like I said earlier, I have had nothing but great things happen through Craig’s List. I have made double what places like Gamestop would have netted me, and it was instant cash. People want to meet up and make the transaction as soon as possible. It is the same type of instant gratification you get with Gamestop, but you have the ability to double your profit.

Video Game Trading Sites:

The nice thing is that you can trade a game for a game. Say you hate Modern Warfare 2 now and want to get a copy of Assassin’s Creed 2, if there is a game out there offering to accept that trade the cost is minimal. In reading a few of the sites FAQ’s, I saw that it would cost you shipping and a few bucks to the site. If these sites work as well as advertised, then this might be the best route to go. You get the game you wanted for a game you didn’t want. 1 for 1, a “fair trade”, and it only could cost you a few dollars.

After looking through these options every one of them still have their perks. What it all comes down to is patience. If you are impatient, then Gamestop might be the only way to go. You can get in your car on a whim and trade in all your games for whatever you would like, but you are going to take a hit in value. The best option in my opinion is Goozex.com. You are trading a single game that you no longer want for a game that you do want.  All it costs is $1. I personally signed up to dive a bit deeper into the site and was impressed with the fact that they have podcasts and an active community on the forums. Also their suppot was great at explaining all the things I was not grasping. Yes, you have to put the work in and actively roam for the game that you want, but that time will save you money in the long run. With all of our wallets getting a little tighter, it is never a better time to make sure that you are getting the most out of your games.

It has plagued college men since the beginning of time, how exactly do you get the girl to go back to your room?  Lame excuses like “I want you to meet my roommates” won’t get her to go back to your room.  We here at The Campus Throne have been conducting extensive research.  Day and night our  sexual scientists have been up trying to figure out a way to help solve this problem.  But, after months of experiments, our scientists have an answer.

Surprisingly, one of the easiest ways to get a girl to go back to your room is to suggest she play with your Wii!  Wii, for those who have a really dirty mind, is a system created by Nintendo and is all about movement.  Let’s say you’re playing a baseball game and the ball is coming at you on screen.  Swing the remote and your actions will be projected into the game.  Luckily for everyone who buys a Wii, it comes with five free games.  The one resounding thing our scientists have discovered is “Women love the Wii.  They love to hold it in their hands and don’t like to let go.” (no pun intended)  We kid you not.

Here are some games that are sure to have the girl you brought back to your room all over you:

WII SPORTS

This game comes with the system and has five games built in which are baseball, golf, tennis, bowling and boxing.  We noticed that when you mix alcohol in with bowling you are bound to have a good time.  Might we suggest strip bowling: the loser of the frame must take off one article of clothing.  Keep going until someone loses…

WII PLAY

This bad boy comes with a free controller and nine mini games.  Very similar to Wii Sports where you can playfully be competitive and then loose to her.  Make her feel like she is “all that” and then loose to her again.  If she really likes you she’ll start teasing you.  She’s all yours after that.

GUITAR HERO/ROCK BAND

Available on all major systems.  Very simple design to this game, you have a guitar with four buttons on it and you try and match those colors up with the ones on the screen.  It’s a great party game or a great one on one game with you new lady friend.  It’s tough to find a girl who doesn’t like guitar hero, and if you do, drop her ass because she doesn’t know how to have fun.

MARIO KART

Who doesn’t know this game? Besides being a fun game and easy to learn, its also made perfectly so you can convincingly throw the game! And here’s the bonus: seeing as this game dates back to the dawn of Nintendo, it’s sure to bring back a sense of nostalgia that no other game on this list can create. Since there are so many versions we are going to recommend the Wii version since it is the most interactive (allowing the most physical contact and excitement).

DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION

This is very similar to Guitar Hero being it’s a rhythm game but instead of a guitar you have a mat with arrows on it.  You follow the arrows as they appear on the screen and move to the beat.  We definitely recommend this with alcohol.  Might we suggest teaching her how to play; get behind her and move with her on the dance pad…let the alcohol do the rest.

Now you know that video games aren’t just for dudes.  They can help you get that girl back to your room.  Just make sure they know what the Wii is before you ask them to use both hands when they play with it.

This year, Drew Brees will don the cover of one of the biggest franchises of all gaming – Madden. Ironically enough, the past ten years have been more of a curse than a gift for the NFL stars who shared this honor with Drew Brees. Here is a look at the victims of the Madden curse.

2010

Troy Polamalu/Larry Fitzgerald Polamalu missed all but 5 games (knee); Fitzgerald was Pro Bowler

2009

Brett Favre Feuded with Packers, traded to Jets, lost 4 of last 5 and played with a torn bicep.

2008

Vince Young Missed one game (quad). Would lose starting spot to Kerry Collins

2007

Shaun Alexander Missed 6 games (fractured foot); fewer yards and TDs in ’06 and ’07 than in ’04 or ’05

2006

Donovan McNabb Sports hernia in first game; missed 7 games

2005

Ray Lewis Broken wrist, missed game; missed 10 games in ’06 (thigh)

2004

Michael Vick Fractured fibula 1 day after game was released, missed 11 games; off-field issues since

2003

Marshall Faulk Ankle injury, missed 2 games; never rushed for 1,000 yards again

2002

Daunte Culpepper 4-7 record before season-ending injury

2001

Eddie George Fumbled in playoffs as top-seeded Titans lost first game

2000

Barry Sanders Retired one week before training camp

Heads up: This post was from our buddies at Explicit Gamer

It’s an all too familiar situation. Guy wants to play his game, girlfriend gets jealous at lack of attention and threatens to make his life a living Dante’s Inferno. He has to make a decision. Whichever choice he makes will determine the course of the relationship for the next few hours, days, and possibly eternity. At this exact moment his life flashes before him and nothing is more important than the words that are about to exit his mouth. She stands there, blocking the TV, glaring at him. With controller tightly in hand and a smile of anticipation long gone, he concedes. Who can blame this poor gamer? We’ve almost all gone through this, regardless of who your significant other is or how much they appreciate gaming!

The fine staff here at Explicit Gamer understands how difficult juggling girlfriends/wives and gaming can be, not to mention everything else going on in our busy lives. Who can really blame any guy that chooses girl over game when the pressure is on? We all know what’s at stake. But when do we draw the line? More importantly, how do we just get the chance to play without creating a confrontation? My friends, you’re about to find out!

Let’s start off by discussing every male gamer’s dream girlfriend. The gamer girl! She may like to play as much as you do, or maybe just every once in a while. regardless, she plays. Nothing could be better, unless she is hogging the console, of course. As fantastic as this situation is, there is still doom lurking right around the corner. You’ve been so caught up in the fact that she plays that you’ve let yourself slip into the mindset that she plays for the same reasons you do. You’re very very wrong. Most of the time women are playing to “spend time with you”. So what happens when she doesn’t feel like playing or even worse, you’re playing by yourself? The wrath of what once was the world’s coolest gaming girl manifests itself full force, and decision time has set. Here’s what your options are:

1. Turn everything off and do whatever she wants.

2. Offer to quit your game and play co-op so she can play.

3. Let her play and painfully watch.

OUR CHOICE

Women LOVE naps. Pause the game and suggest a nap or get up and walk away for a minute, sometimes they will get distracted on their own or actually go take a nap. Unless she REALLY wants to spend time with you. Then nothing will maker her happy besides giving in. At least these types are easier to please, they like gaming!

Now what if you have the girlfriend that understands your obsession with gaming, but she doesn’t play herself? This is a bit more tricky. Most likely this type of person doesn’t grasp the concept of why you play or what’s so special about getting a tactical nuke. She probably feels similarly about your inability to grasp her reason for reading books like they’re all disappearing in 2012. Most of the time she seems content to let you play, screaming at the TV whenever the guy you were shooting didn’t die. In return, you pretty much let her do her own thing. What happens when she wants to watch a movie, or go to dinner with you? The majority of the time I would suggest giving in because she lets you play more than most people get to. This time is different though. You’ve got your party maxed out at eight and everyone is finally together and playing like they could own at a MLG tournament. Can’t stop now! She moves to block the TV and you have to think fast! Here’s your options:

1. Quietly, and with a whipped voice, tell your friends you have to get off. Turn everything off.

2. Just turn the console off. Then lie and tell them you got disconnected and your internet was down.

3. Compromise. Beg to finish the match and in return you’ll join her.

4. Tell her to find somebody else to bother, you’re busy. (Warning: continually choosing this option may result in disaster)

OUR CHOICE

Keep telling her you only need five more minutes. If done long enough most restaurants will close and she’ll get tired enough to go to bed. If this doesn’t work, try fake crying at being killed because she was in the way. Mute your mic first.

“You’re ___ years old, get off there and do something constructive!” It sucked hearing it from your mom, but now from your girlfriend too! These types usually let you play, but complain about it the whole time. Sometimes they try to make you feel guilty by complaining about all the “housework” you’re leaving to them, even though you rarely leave the couch. Other times they take a more direct approach and make fun of you in an attempt to make you feel bad for not spending time with them. This seems to be the majority of girlfriends/wives. They see gaming as childish and a waste of “valuable” time. I’ve hypothesized that “valuable” to them means spending time with them, but honestly, who would WANT to spend time with them?! This generally drives gamers to play even more, escaping reality. It’s okay, we don’t blame you. What do you do when she really gets upset though?

1. As soon as you see her heading for the power button, turn it off and act like you were getting off anyways.

2. Pause the game and go into the kitchen (act like you’re busy) till things calm down. Beware: conversations happen there.

3. Just keep yelling at the TV or people online. She most likely won’t yell over you.

OUR CHOICE

Play her game. If she complains about all the housework, complain about all the insurgents shooting at you. If she complains about working all day and having to come home and work, complain about working all day killing bad guys or brain exhaustion from solving puzzles that never ends. If she complains about you wasting time, complain about all the time she’s wasting by complaining at you. Eventually she’ll get the idea.

Now we move into the last of the girlfriend types. The ultimate in horrible situations. These girls are always princesses to begin with but quickly turn into ball busting bitches as soon as they think you’re stuck with them. These are the kind of women that throw consoles out of windows when they don’t get their way. No person should be in a relationship with them but for some reason people still are. There is no reasoning or compromising with this type. They wear the pants and will make your life miserable if you do anything they don’t like. Even worse for you, they despise gaming. Maybe it’s the “valuable” time wasting, or using the TV when they want to watch Sex and the City reruns. Whatever the reason, they will flip the switch if they catch you gaming when they deem inconvenient for them. No matter what you say or do they won’t change their minds about letting you play. The only time you get some sweet gaming relief is if she is gone for whatever reason, or if she’s asleep. What can you possibly do to get some time for yourself? Here are your choices:

1. Keep doing what you’ve been doing. You’re the idiot that’s been dealing with it, why stop now?

2. Grab the gear and run. Anything is better than that situation.

3. Get some giant headphones to use while playing and ignore her yelling at you. Also, make a steel case with a lock around your console so she can’t turn it off or rip it out of the wall. Same with the TV.

4. Throw some Starbucks gift cards, fashion magazines, and high heels out the door and lock it behind her when she runs after them.

Our choice: Aside from the obvious solution of getting out of the relationship, here is our best bet of surviving this type of insanity. Hopefully you have more than one room in your living space, if not, running far far away is your only hope. If so, purchase a heavy duty door and about 10 types of locks for it. Install door on extra room and add locks to both sides of the door. Always remember to lock the door regardless of what side you’re on. Build the most amazing theater room/man cave you can imagine and spend all your time in it. Don’t forget the sound system to drown out the banging sounds on the door!

Having to choose between the two is never a fun situation. For those of you who don’t have a significant other that puts you into these predicaments, good job and lucky you. For the majority of us, finding ways to enjoy gaming while dealing with life can be tough. To dedicated gamers, playing is more than enjoyment, it’s a way of life. Finding a partner that encourages the pursuit of your hobbies as well as theirs can be tough, but more than worth it. Until then, all we can do is laugh about the unfortunate situations other gamers get themselves into. We all know at least one of them.

I leave you all with an Xbox Live bio I ran across a while back that fits perfectly: “No wonder women hate gaming. They can’t compete with it! A console will never nag. It’s always turned on when you want it to be. It’s compatible with all your friends. If it gets moody or doesn’t do what you want, you can easily trade it in for another one. If what it’s doing annoys you, it is easily fixable by popping in a different disc. It will always reward you (achievements/trophies). It remembers everything you put into it. It doesn’t require attention or affection. And you don’t have to cuddle after you use it!”

If you’re a gamer, you gotta love this time of year.  This is when all the highly anticipated video games arrive in stores.  Before you run out there and snatch up any old game, here’s a quick guide to help you make a “wise” purchase.

V. LEFT 4 DEAD 2

Is it me or does it seem like everywhere you look there are some stupid vampire movie or show?  What happened to the good old days where people were afraid of zombies?  Left 4 Dead 2 answers that question.  L4D2 puts you in the middle of a zombie apocalypse in a town that resembles New Orleans.  It’s up to you and three other people to get out of the town alive.  There are hordes and hordes of undead that are standing in your way of getting out alive.  L4D2 allows players to choose from an assortment of weapons that range from Shotguns to handguns.  For the first time, players can use melee weapons to take down the undead. If you have three other friends, and I hope you do, and you’re snowed in one night, pop in L4D2 and you won’t be disappointed.

IV. GOD OF WAR I AND II

It’s surprising to me to see the amount of people who have never played God of War I or II.  For a game that sold well over 5 million copies I hardly know a soul who has played game of the year for 2005.  It looks like Sony has realized the same thing and has packaged the two games together to be released on the PS3 in high definition.  They also come packaged with trophies so you can up your achievements on your PS3.  Sony is allowing you to catch up on the God of War story this Christmas so you’re ready for God of War 3 due out this spring.

III. SUPER MARIO BROS WII

Who doesn’t know who Mario and Luigi are?  Those two plumbers are back and ready to save the princess again (shocker) in an all new 2D platformer.  This time around you and up to three other friends can race through 8 different levels, consisting of 8 stages, to save Peach from Bowser.  You figured you’d be tired of this story line by now but what it lacks in story it makes up for in action.  Running around the stages with friends brings in a breath of fresh air for a franchise that has done it all.  There’s nothing like shoving your friend into hot lava and watching his character burn as you race to finish the stage first.  Another great multiplayer game that is sure to bring you and your roommates closer this second semester.

II. CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE 2

I bet you thought this was going to be first on the list huh!?  We here at the throne Love Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.  The multiplayer is the best for any first person shooter on any system.  The way you can rank up and achieve new guns to kill your friends is truly amazing.  The graphics somehow got better than they were in the first one.  But, there is always a but, the story line is waaaayyyy too short to be number one on our list.  It will take you roughly about five hours to finish which in our book is waaaayyyy too short…and that’s what she said.  But don’t let that take away from the game itself, the single player is very well thought out and when you start it up you won’t finish until the last bullet is fired.

I. ASSASSIN’S CREED 2

I’m sure you’re probably thinking to yourself, how the hell is this the number one game for the winter?  You probably loved the first one but at the same time didn’t “truly love it.”  It’s like the time you had sex with that chick from down the hall that wouldn’t shut up.  Yea, you liked her, but you told her you loved her to so you could get with her.  Well, I am proud to say that unlike that chick, you will LOVE this game.  It takes everything that was great in the first Assassin’s Creed and makes it even better.  Graphics are improved, controls feel much tighter, that’s what she said, and the story is actually there this time around.  This game has “heart “which adds an element that is lacking in so many games.  You will grow to care about each character you interact with and by the end you’ll be demanding the next one which is slated for next year.

What are you waiting for?!  Stop reading this article and get your hands on it, …that’s what she said… (last one I swear).

Sleeper Hits

If you have time after finishing all the games listed, you might want to try out these two.

DJ HERO

This game is different from all the other music games in the past because of its control.  You feel like your daft punk creating the next big remix.  It’s worth a try but its going to set you back at least a hundred bucks.

DRAGON AGE ORIGINS

From the developers at Bioware, these dudes created games like Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and Mass Effect.  Just from their past you know this game is going to be good.  It starts off a tad slow, but it picks up and before you know you’re hooked.  Be warned though, these kinds of RPG’s are not for everyone so maybe a rental first is a good choice.