Whether clear or dark, rum or vodka, liquor fucks you up. Like a 300 lb. Silverback eating PCpineapples (pineapples infused with pcp) you shouldn’t mess around with liquor unless you’re a pro. If you’re new to drinking or not a heavyweight drinker coming half correctly with liquor is sure to have you bowing to the porcelain throne in no time. Here’s three tips to help you maintain your composure.
1. DO NOT MIX LIGHT AND DARK
If you do this you might as well piss yourself and vomit where ever you are standing. While you CAN conceivably mix liquors together (L.I. Iced Tea anyone?) you won’t be doing much of it unless you’re a seasoned drinker. If you have to stick to one, try them all (in different sittings of course) and decide which you like the best. Vodka is a good starter because it tastes the same no matter what. Once you get into the high end vodkas it’s like taking shots of (flavored) water.
2. PACE YOURSELF
Probably the hardest thing to do especially if you’re at a party or in the company of a lady. Pacing yourself requires that you actually realize that if you take another shot you will shit yourself. If the guy next to you orders three double shots of Jack Daniel’s, assume he is either the devil incarnate (which could be a good thing because it looks like he knows how to party) or Thor. If you feel like you’re losing control, simply stop drinking. Your kidneys and dignity will thank you for it later.
3. ALTERNATE
The easiest way to hold your liquor, alternate between alcoholic beverages and non-alcoholic ones. You’ll be filtering your bloodstream as you drink. Beware though, drinks tend to creep up on you when you least expect it. So if you have to take two waters back to back then so be it. You’ll also be keeping yourself hydrated for the most part which will help you battle the accursed hangover. It’s a good film, but not a good feeling.
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Only pussies drink water in between drinks. the only way to get good at drinking is to do it a lot and to go through your fair share of vomits like everyone else.