College Stories: St. John’s University

Published on Thursday, July 16, 2009 by Campus King

This summer just started and I already feel like I have a story to tell that will make it one to remember forever. Being a student at St. John’s University, there isn’t much of a social scene because there are too many alternatives in “the city,” there are casinos nearby, there are hundreds of different clubs, thousands of different bars. Anyway, this summer my friends and I decided to take a trip to Atlantic City to celebrate the start of the summer. Atlantic City is an area in New Jersey that has a strip of casinos and hotels.

Being an hour drive away from several colleges, it’s a good way to feast on your vices.

So we all get to the Borgata casino, where we start off betting on roulette, black jack, and craps. Had it not been for Black Jack, we would have probably ended up losing all of our money on the first night. Anyway, being a group of eight guys has it’s advantages. When we make a little noise, any attention whores in the area find their way to us to see what’s going on.

One of our friends was up $300 in black jack and as we were rooting him on a group of girls made their way over to where we were and kept rooting for our boy with us. The next thing I know we are at a pool party at the Harrah’s hotel with the same group of girls, from Boston University. We are all already wasted from pre-gaming in the hotel, and my friend Cicero (that one friend you have who you’d best describe as gross) just strolled into the hotel room stoned as I’ve ever seen him.

I start hooking up with one of the BU girls in front of the whole club, but she tasted and smelt like a bottle of patron, both hot and fucking gross. As much as I wanted to slap her drunk ass because she was leaning on me to keep herself from falling, she was looking hot in those dresses girls wear that are tight around the upper thigh and ass.

On the way down the elevator from the pool party, my friends were clutch in filling the elevator so her friends couldn’t get in. I took the opportunity to hook up with her in the corner of the elevator and started fingering her like crazy. She’d gasp here and there because she liked it, but I would flinch because I thought she was going to vomit all over me. So the elevator stops at some random floor, not even the lobby, and her drunk ass gets off the elevator. We let the doors close and go on our merry way. Victorious, I claim my bragging rights to my friends on our way down to the lobby.

Then comes the bomb: Cicero says “I can’t believe she let me finger her.” I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about because she was with me the whole night. So I ask him “when?” His stoned ass laughs back “just on the elevator man, I was fingering her while you were hooking up with her.” This is the kind of guy friend I hate. Not only do you have to watch your back if you have a girl, but they lie to you too. “No you didn’t”, “Yes I did.”

“Look man, you did not finger her. I was in there the whole time and I would have felt something if you did.”

…..Drumroll…..

“Dude, I swear, smell my finger.”

As Cicero raised his hand to my face, we all see smeared mother fucking human feces on his finger. All of us are laughing so hard that we can’t breathe and Cicero starts squealing “What the fuck?” and is on the verge of tears. We get off the elevator and Cicero cleans his finger in the ice machine at the hotel.