Five Girls You Find in Every College Lecture

You asked for it…you got it! After we unveiled the five guys you’ll find in every college lecture, we answered your prayers and vuola! May we present five girls you’ll find in every lecture.

1. The Girl Who Does Her Hair/Makeup/Nails

She apparently didn’t have time to do it in her dorm, so she’s doing it in class. I have no problem with girls and their hair, they usually just wear it in a ponytail or out..or whatever it’s called when it’s not tied up. Makeup is pushing it, because you didn’t come to class to look sexy (although my phallus appreciates it). I hate it when girls paint their nails in class, because I can’t stand the smell of nail polish. The smell of glue, now that’s a different story. Huh? Go to the bathroom and do that, God knows they spend ridiculous amounts of time in there anyways.

2. The Girl Who DOESN’T do her Hair/Makeup/Nails

To put it frankly….this girl looks like ass. Her hair is frizzy and all over the place, her eyes still have sleepies in them, and her hands look like she washed them with rocks. 99% of the time she will look awful. The days she doesn’t, you don’t recognize her until you ask like an idiot “did you just transfer to this class?” only to find out it’s been her all along… true story.

3. The Texter

Guys and girls are equally guilty of this, but damn girls make it an art form. The Blackberries are grafted to their hands, and when they type your eyes bleed from the blinding speed they text at. Seems like they’re writing the next all American novel too; the sheer volume of typing they do in class is equivalent to a semesters worth of papers. Ok I might be exaggerating. Or……..am I?

4. The Hot Girl Who Never Does Her Work

You’ve never seen her lift her pen. You see her texting, but you never see her textbook. Yet, she’s still in the class. Is she paying attention? No, she’s idly doodling while you’re cramping your hands trying to take stellar notes. She supremely unconcerned about the class…..which is why she sits next to you. One batting of her eyelash and you automatically give up your notes to her, all slack-jawed and tight pants. I say tight pants because you have an erection, not like, emo kid pants. Gross. You think letting her see your notes will lead to wild parties where you guys hook up because you let her copy your notes. I’ll be frank; you’re wrong.

5. The Girl Who is…..Just a Bitch

No matter what day it is, Earth Day, Valentines Day, The End of Days, she’ll find something to complain about. God forbid if you disagree with her on her complaining, or there will be a clean incision where you head used to be, because she’ll bite it off. At the end of the class you’re left scratching your head honestly wondering what you said to set the rocket off, as she prowls to her next class, and her next victim.

While there are scores of people you’ll find in class these ten are most prominent in my travels. Feel free to leav your own encounters below.