Get the Girl: Nice Guys vs. Assholes

Let us be completely honest ladies and gentlemen: nice guys do not finish last.

For the most part, they do finish with the girl.  However, sticking with the honesty and reality, this is usually after the assholes already had their way with her.

It’s not so much that the girl likes the fact that a guy treats them like a piece of shit, but it is the qualities that the “assholes” usually have that make them more exciting and interesting.

Let me break this down for you…

Qualities of an Asshole:

CONFIDENCE

You don’t like what the asshole has to say? Oh well…someone else will.  He’s confident, he’s secure about himself and his word.  Imagine you’re about to buy a car from someone.  Would you rather him say “this is the best car you could possibly buy” or would you rather him say “this car could be a good car.  It’s not bad. Please buy this car and give it a chance.” I know the analogy could seem weird; however, in relationships, you need to sell yourself in the beginning on why you’re a good fit for the girl and why it would be the best idea for her to spend time with you and no other guy trying to get with her.

WILLING TO LEAVE ON A MOMENTS NOTICE

You want to be a bitch? Okay, peace out.  When a girl pisses off an asshole, you’ll rarely see them flip out or be dramatic.  What do they do?  They completely ignore the girl.  If she’s a bitch, they just leave her side and will talk to another girl.  Even if the girl says “whatever” or will go to dance with another guy or something, you’ll see her constantly looking back at the asshole hoping that he is looking at her or giving her some kind of attention.

ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME

This is huge. An asshole will rarely take a girl out to dinner, to see a chick flick, to a theatre.  As fun and sweet as those things may be, very rarely are they the really good time that you are dying for.  An asshole takes a girl out for drinks (not wine, drinks), takes a girl jet-skiing, out dancing.  Plain and simple, when that asshole comes to mind, as many words as you can use to describe them, “fun” will always be one of them.

Qualities of the Nice Guy:

TOO THOUGHTFUL

Being thoughtful is supposed to be a good thing.  Being too thoughtful is a curse.  This one guy I had class with each of the last 3 semesters always falls for some girl in any of our damn classes. It’s ridiculous.  Anyway, when he decides on his crush, he says “hi” to them everyday, drives them to class, buys them coffee, the whole nine yards.

The problem is: the girl gets used to it and the one day he cannot get her coffee or drives her to class late, she seems disappointed.  The guy has been doing the right thing all along, and although she appreciates it, she’s used to him doing the right thing, so when he doesn’t she’s a little disappointed.

*Then comes a guy like me who watches this whole scenario unfold and I won’t talk much to the girl.  However, when I finally do see her on campus or even early to class today and I say with a strong tone “Hey!.” She responds with a nice “hi!” and her face is lit up like I gave her a dozen roses.  Now isn’t that fucked? Me saying “hi!” lights this girl up because she feels so special that I’m finally doing it.  Meanwhile, as nice as my “competition” has been, he set himself up for things to be expected of him.

This is the same concept as when you call your friends.  You have those friends that always pick up the phone when you call them and you appreciate that they do, but you never really think too deeply into it.  When the day comes where you call them a couple times and they don’t pick up, you leave a message and may mumble a small “what the fuck!?”

Then you have those friends who you always have to leave a voicemail for, or you text them and they respond hours later.  When they pick up, you have a smile on your face and are happy and even hang up with more of a “he’s the man!” kind of feeling for the time being.

TOO FORGIVING

We were raised to forgive someone when they say sorry.  If a girl cancels plans with a nice guy or cannot make it, he responds with a soft “no problem, maybe next time.” Sure. Put her on your calling list for every time you make plans and call her to see if she’s coming out. By then, she’ll offer to call you back while she tries to see if there is anything better to do before agreeing to hang out.

INSECURITY

A nice guy will be as chivalrous as possible.  He will offer his coat, won’t burp, will hold doors and all that good stuff.  When he misses a door, or does release some gas, or doesn’t have an umbrella to hold for a girl, he’ll end up apologizing (which nice guys do way too often), or will start sweating profusely like he is about to have an anxiety attack.  He is usually asking the girl “are you okay?”

If you are at a restaurant, isn’t it annoying when the server asks “is everything okay here…everything alright?” Is it not supposed to be okay?

Becoming the Hybrid

Girls always complain that they want a nice guy.  However, when it comes down to it, they crumble to the temptations of the asshole.  After she gets her heart broken, she’ll eventually find herself wanting the nice guy…by then, it’s too late. Here is how you can avoid this ridiculous cycle and take the best from both roles in the land of relationships.

BE CONFIDENT

From the clothes you are wearing, to the way your hair came out, you know you look sharp…show it. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Smile. Speak clearly and articulate. You’ll be leaking confidence and charisma like crazy.

At the end of the night: Don’t ask “I hope you had a good time tonight.” Tell her “I know because you had a blast you may want to plan another date now, but if you want to hang out again, you’ll have to call my secretary and set something up.”

BE DECISIVE

It’s not “where do you want to go?” or “what do you feel like doing?” It is “Be ready at 8:00, put on your favorite heels, leave your problems at home.”

You should rarely say “I don’t know.” Make plans and be assertive.  Girls are indecisive as is.

BE THOUGHTFUL  (BUT BE CREATIVE, NOT CLICHE)

Don’t show up with a dozen roses and pay for everything.  Pay for the tickets or dinner and when she thanks you, smile and say “whoa whoa whoa, you’re paying for the popcorn/first round of drinks.” Every girl will crack up at this.

If she doesn’t seem to dig it too much, say calmly “it’s my gold-digger test.”

BE FUN

If you’re taking her out to dinner, tell them it’s her birthday, so when they show up with cake and start singing she’s stuck iN “wtf” land and laughing her ass off.

If you guys are going to a show or something, spice it up by going out for drinks before or after.

If you’re going to the movies, pick something funny, exciting or scary.

LEAVE WHEN IT’S TIME TO LEAVE

Treat time spent with girls the way that you should a phone call.  After the day or night has reached it’s peak and the fun and excitement is starting to go downhill, slowly bring the occasion to a close.

Similarly, once a conversation gets quite and there isn’t too much left to say, say you have to get going.  You always want her leaving you and hanging up the phone with you with a smile and never sighing “finally” after you leave.