There are so many different types of girls out there.  High maintenance girls, emo girls, chill girls, chubby girls, clingy girls, and the list goes on and on…

When it all comes down to it, and you’re trying to evaluate the likely hood of you hooking up with one of these girls, then they can all be broken down into three types.

GIRL TYPE I: AN EXHIBIT A GIRL

Rarely going to be the most desirable girl in the room; however, this is the girl that you know you can hook-up with tonight.  Maybe she is very drunk, maybe she is laughing at every single thing you tell her, maybe she mentioning that she hasn’t had sex in a long time.  Whatever the reason, you can spot these girls with ease.  They are on the prowl, and they are looking to get laid.  Ask girls you are friends with, I’m sure they’ll admit that they have friends like this.

Breaking News: Girls like sex too.  Just because she knew what she wanted and hooks up with you doesn’t really make her a slut.  So, if you see her out next time and talking to some other guy, there is no reason to treat her like shit.  You both shared a good time, leave it on a note where you can look at each other and smile, knowing you still have her nail marks on your back.

TYPE II: EXHIBIT B GIRL

Plain and simple, these girls are not going to hook-up with you tonight.  They are the girls that will flirt with you and will be interested in you, but for whatever reason…not tonight.  Sometimes, it is just because they have their friends out with them and don’t want to ditch their friends.  That doesn’t mean you won’t eventually hook-up, though.  Exhibit B girls are the type that will give you their number and would be open to a couple of dates before they feel more comfortable hooking up with you.

Insider Tip: An Exhibit B Girl is a great investment.  They carry themselves well and are classier than the Exhibit A type, and you know that they aren’t very easy.  Therefore, if you see them talking to another guy the next week at the bar, you don’t have to go into a jealously rage, but can crack up knowing that this guy isn’t getting any from just talking to her one night.  These girls are great for a relationship down the road.  Whether that relationship be friends with benefits, or something more exclusive, they aren’t as dangerous as the Exhibit A Girl

TYPE III: DISTRACTIONS

You’ve seen this girl before.  The one dancing on the bar, making out with her friends, practically scissoring her girlfriends on the dance floor.  Every guy in the room is watching these girls, buying them drinks, trying to talk to them.  By the end of the night, they don’t get with anybody.  They are there to distract you and waste your time and money (if you are dumb enough to buy them drinks).  These girls love the attention and quite frankly, the attention seems to be more than enough to keep them satisfied.

Why Distractions are useful: While guys that would normally seem like your competition are too focused on the girl dancing on top of the bar and taking body shots off of her girlfriends, this is your time to clean up on the other girls that aren’t in the middle of the crowd.  Go for the distraction’s friend who is holding her drunk ass friend’s bag.

Happy Hunting, Campus Throne Army…Make me proud…

Let us be completely honest ladies and gentlemen: nice guys do not finish last.

For the most part, they do finish with the girl.  However, sticking with the honesty and reality, this is usually after the assholes already had their way with her.

It’s not so much that the girl likes the fact that a guy treats them like a piece of shit, but it is the qualities that the “assholes” usually have that make them more exciting and interesting.

Let me break this down for you…

Qualities of an Asshole:

CONFIDENCE

You don’t like what the asshole has to say? Oh well…someone else will.  He’s confident, he’s secure about himself and his word.  Imagine you’re about to buy a car from someone.  Would you rather him say “this is the best car you could possibly buy” or would you rather him say “this car could be a good car.  It’s not bad. Please buy this car and give it a chance.” I know the analogy could seem weird; however, in relationships, you need to sell yourself in the beginning on why you’re a good fit for the girl and why it would be the best idea for her to spend time with you and no other guy trying to get with her.

WILLING TO LEAVE ON A MOMENTS NOTICE

You want to be a bitch? Okay, peace out.  When a girl pisses off an asshole, you’ll rarely see them flip out or be dramatic.  What do they do?  They completely ignore the girl.  If she’s a bitch, they just leave her side and will talk to another girl.  Even if the girl says “whatever” or will go to dance with another guy or something, you’ll see her constantly looking back at the asshole hoping that he is looking at her or giving her some kind of attention.

ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME

This is huge. An asshole will rarely take a girl out to dinner, to see a chick flick, to a theatre.  As fun and sweet as those things may be, very rarely are they the really good time that you are dying for.  An asshole takes a girl out for drinks (not wine, drinks), takes a girl jet-skiing, out dancing.  Plain and simple, when that asshole comes to mind, as many words as you can use to describe them, “fun” will always be one of them.

Qualities of the Nice Guy:

TOO THOUGHTFUL

Being thoughtful is supposed to be a good thing.  Being too thoughtful is a curse.  This one guy I had class with each of the last 3 semesters always falls for some girl in any of our damn classes. It’s ridiculous.  Anyway, when he decides on his crush, he says “hi” to them everyday, drives them to class, buys them coffee, the whole nine yards.

The problem is: the girl gets used to it and the one day he cannot get her coffee or drives her to class late, she seems disappointed.  The guy has been doing the right thing all along, and although she appreciates it, she’s used to him doing the right thing, so when he doesn’t she’s a little disappointed.

*Then comes a guy like me who watches this whole scenario unfold and I won’t talk much to the girl.  However, when I finally do see her on campus or even early to class today and I say with a strong tone “Hey!.” She responds with a nice “hi!” and her face is lit up like I gave her a dozen roses.  Now isn’t that fucked? Me saying “hi!” lights this girl up because she feels so special that I’m finally doing it.  Meanwhile, as nice as my “competition” has been, he set himself up for things to be expected of him.

This is the same concept as when you call your friends.  You have those friends that always pick up the phone when you call them and you appreciate that they do, but you never really think too deeply into it.  When the day comes where you call them a couple times and they don’t pick up, you leave a message and may mumble a small “what the fuck!?”

Then you have those friends who you always have to leave a voicemail for, or you text them and they respond hours later.  When they pick up, you have a smile on your face and are happy and even hang up with more of a “he’s the man!” kind of feeling for the time being.

TOO FORGIVING

We were raised to forgive someone when they say sorry.  If a girl cancels plans with a nice guy or cannot make it, he responds with a soft “no problem, maybe next time.” Sure. Put her on your calling list for every time you make plans and call her to see if she’s coming out. By then, she’ll offer to call you back while she tries to see if there is anything better to do before agreeing to hang out.

INSECURITY

A nice guy will be as chivalrous as possible.  He will offer his coat, won’t burp, will hold doors and all that good stuff.  When he misses a door, or does release some gas, or doesn’t have an umbrella to hold for a girl, he’ll end up apologizing (which nice guys do way too often), or will start sweating profusely like he is about to have an anxiety attack.  He is usually asking the girl “are you okay?”

If you are at a restaurant, isn’t it annoying when the server asks “is everything okay here…everything alright?” Is it not supposed to be okay?

Becoming the Hybrid

Girls always complain that they want a nice guy.  However, when it comes down to it, they crumble to the temptations of the asshole.  After she gets her heart broken, she’ll eventually find herself wanting the nice guy…by then, it’s too late. Here is how you can avoid this ridiculous cycle and take the best from both roles in the land of relationships.

BE CONFIDENT

From the clothes you are wearing, to the way your hair came out, you know you look sharp…show it. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Smile. Speak clearly and articulate. You’ll be leaking confidence and charisma like crazy.

At the end of the night: Don’t ask “I hope you had a good time tonight.” Tell her “I know because you had a blast you may want to plan another date now, but if you want to hang out again, you’ll have to call my secretary and set something up.”

BE DECISIVE

It’s not “where do you want to go?” or “what do you feel like doing?” It is “Be ready at 8:00, put on your favorite heels, leave your problems at home.”

You should rarely say “I don’t know.” Make plans and be assertive.  Girls are indecisive as is.

BE THOUGHTFUL  (BUT BE CREATIVE, NOT CLICHE)

Don’t show up with a dozen roses and pay for everything.  Pay for the tickets or dinner and when she thanks you, smile and say “whoa whoa whoa, you’re paying for the popcorn/first round of drinks.” Every girl will crack up at this.

If she doesn’t seem to dig it too much, say calmly “it’s my gold-digger test.”

BE FUN

If you’re taking her out to dinner, tell them it’s her birthday, so when they show up with cake and start singing she’s stuck iN “wtf” land and laughing her ass off.

If you guys are going to a show or something, spice it up by going out for drinks before or after.

If you’re going to the movies, pick something funny, exciting or scary.

LEAVE WHEN IT’S TIME TO LEAVE

Treat time spent with girls the way that you should a phone call.  After the day or night has reached it’s peak and the fun and excitement is starting to go downhill, slowly bring the occasion to a close.

Similarly, once a conversation gets quite and there isn’t too much left to say, say you have to get going.  You always want her leaving you and hanging up the phone with you with a smile and never sighing “finally” after you leave.

Golden Rule: All pick-up lines need to be executed with confidence and a clear and articulate tone of voice.

People may have mixed feelings about Obama, as do we, but one thing we love about the guy is that when he talks, it is captivating and in a tone that everyone else with quiet down and listen.  Youtube him if you must, but speaking clear and confidently will make people listen.  The worst feeling is when you drop an awesome joke or killer line to a girl and they respond with “Huh? Say it again.” Therefore, be sure to use these words wisely.

APPROACHING A GROUP OF GIRLS

When approaching a group of girls, walk up to the one with the most feminine top and confidently say with a smirk:  “Oh my god, I almost wore the same top today.” The girls will follow up with a laugh or giggle and you’re in.

Tell her she needs to call you next time so you guys can coordinate better and don’t end up wearing the same shirt because that would be embarrassing.

*Clearly, this is all to be said with a smile and humorous tone.  If you act overly serious or hesitant, no matter what you say…you will come across as weird.

APPROACHING A GIRL IN A LOUD SETTING

Pinch a tiny wad of lint from your pocket.  If you turn your pocket inside out, everybody has lint stuck in the very bottom.  Keeping the lint in your finger tips: lightly pinch a girl on the shoulder. When she turns at you like you’re some asshole, simply put the lint in her hand and say “this is yours.”

The ice is broken.  If you have a hard time shifting gears, tell her “I’m secretly a super hero who is trying to save women’s shirts all over the planet…one piece of lint at a time.”

Feeling bold: Be straight up and say “I actually just dug that out of my pocket because I thought just saying “hi” wouldn’t be creative enough.

A METHOD FOR THE BRAVE AND CHARMING RISKTAKER

If the girl is a friend of a friend, or you already have established some sort of comfort. Motion like you are going to poke her in her eye, but stop 3 inches away.

When she blinks and looks at you like you’re a douche-bag, act shocked and say “Oh my god…Did you just wink at me?” Odds are in your favor that she’ll end up laughing at giving you a flirtatious slap on the arm (this is a good thing).

TAKING ONE FOR THE TEAM

Teamwork: This requires a wingman.

Approach a group of girls and tell them that your friend is having a really bad day because he just broke up with his girlfriend and it would really cheer him up if a girl bought him a drink.  So, you’ll give them the money for the drink and they just have to order it and pretend you didn’t tell them.

Girls love being Dr. Phil and will probably go to your wingman and talk to him about his fake breakup.  If not, accompany your friend when he goes up to the girl and her friends to thank her.

Just like that, you are talking to a group of girls and didn’t even have to buy them a drink.

The worst feeling is ending a night knowing you could’ve hooked up with a girl, but you weren’t able to pull the trigger.  We made a really easy system that will be a walk to 1st base.  From there, it’s up to you to steal 2nd, 3rd, and home.  The strength in this approach is that you literally cannot get rejected.

STEP I: THE SET-UP

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Amidst conversation, casually ask the girl if she’s the type to get nervous easily.  If she says “yes”, tell her you really would have never guessed because she seemed outgoing.  If she says “no”, tell her you knew that she’d say that, but everybody says that and that you do think she is the type to get nervous easily.

STEP II: SHIFTING GEARS

It is imperative that you smile and laugh, while keeping your cool for this step.  If you start twitching and sweating and shit, you’re going to freak the girl out.  Just take a deep breath and relax.

While hanging out with her, try to scare her at one point, you can just grab her hips from behind or clap near her, whatever.  After she jumps, ask her “Did I get you nervous?”  Her response really doesn’t matter, just the fact that you’re being playful does.

STEP III: GO FOR THE KILL

It is extremely important that you do not force this.  Simply wait for the opportunity.  You aren’t going to get a hit if you’re swinging at balls.  Wait for the right moment and you’ll hit it out of the park.

Either when you are about to say goodbye or at a quite moment, look dead at her and smile.  Then lean in and stop 3 inches from her face.  One of few things will happen.

If she licks her lips or doesn’t budge one bit: You just sealed the deal.

*If she turns away or leans away from you: Start laughing and playfully go “helllll yeahhh! I knew I’d make you nervous.”  Then change the topic and crack up about it.

*This doesn’t mean you lost, at all.  Moving forward, the next time you talk to her, tease her and make it seem like she made the move on you.  Playfully tell her “I can’t believe you tried to kiss me like that last time.  You’re not my type, okay.”  This is clutch because she will then not be sure if you like her or not and will be curious to know.  Also, you are teasing her that she is interested in you, and not the other way around, which turns what is normally an awkward situation into a fun and playful one.

Fourth of July is one of the best moments of the summer.  It really has all that a guy would ever need: Barbecue, booze, and explosions.

For the most part, 4^th of July is a time for friends and family to get together and celebrate the summer.  What this means for you is that you’ll be around girls that won’t require much of an ice-breaker and will already be pretty comfortable in your presence because you have a mutual acquaintance (whoever invited you to their party).

Although, what is important, is your entrance.  Walk into the room with a huge smile on your face, be animated when you say what’s up to your friends and act as though you haven’t seen them in years.  Within seconds, anybody who does not know you will be wondering “who the hell is that guy?”

After your greetings, if there is not already a game of beer-pong going on, start one.  The more people associate you with the image of “fun”, the better.  Never played beer-pong around the family, it may sound crazy, but give it a shot.  The worst they can say is “No, put that away.”

THE INTRODUCTION

Like we said, you’re not at a bar or club talking to strangers; you’re somewhere more laid back and comfortable.  The easiest way to get the ball rolling is to approach the girl and tell her “I’ve been trying to resist, but considering that you’re one of very few people here that I haven’t hung out with before, I just had to introduce myself.” Exchange names, tell her it was nice to meet her, and then tell her you’re going to help out at the grill.

THE SET-UP: BUILDING RAPPORT

After hanging out near the grill and catching up with some familiar faces, approach your target again after she has some food on her plate from the grill.  Casually approach her with a smirk and in a confident tone tell her, “So I made it a point to go to the grill, this way I could cook you something nice in return for you being my beer pong partner.”  Just like that, you have an in.  If she doesn’t drink beer, offer to drink for her because you don’t plan on losing (even if you do, your mission is still accomplished).

Beer pong is fun enough as is.  Just be sure to lay down the law before the game starts “don’t try to make us lose on purpose just so you can get me drunk.  It’ll take more than one game for that.”

THE CLOSE

If you win at Beer Pong: High-five it and give her a hug.  “You should really hang out with us more; you’re a lot of fun.  I’d ask for your number, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea because you’ll probably just call me at random now just to grill you stuff.” Laugh it off then tell her “really, though…come out sometime, I’ll call you the next time we plan something.”

If you lose: “You somehow fixed this to get me drunk and try to take advantage of me, didn’t you? I knew it! Well, I’m a gentleman…so I’ll only start by taking your phone number.”

She laughs. You have a number. You’re in.

…Cue the victory trumpets…