Heads up: This piece of from Playboy’s underrated PlayboyU Channel.

By Rocky Rakovic

1. Be polite. Smile. Call them officer. Don’t get short.
2. Answer the door yourself. Don’t send your drunken buddies. As soon as you see it’s the police, step outside and close the door behind you. They now have no right to open it without a warrant. Your buddies have their own job to do, i.e., hiding things.
3. Don’t be a jerkass. If the cops are just asking you to turn down the music, say, “Yes, sir” and go do it.
4. Give no information. You have everything to lose and nothing to gain by talking. Be sweet but firm. If you don’t know how to answer, simply ask, “Am I free to go?”
5. Don’t let them inside. They’ll ask to do a “routine inspection.” They’ll say they smell something. Expressly tell them you do not consent to their entering.
6. Stay polite. If you’re off balance, they have the advantage. You may be two fifths into a rage, but shut your mouth, smile and ask if you’re free to go. Even when they ask if you think you’re smart, avoid being clever.

We all do it. Ride without our seatbelt, get road head or smoke a j while driving. Your car is your mobile room, but everything you do in the privacy of our own homes (or others) may not go down so well with the good ol’ boys in blue. Here’s how to prevent from grabbing your ankles in county (aka how not to get arrested).

For this guide to be completely effective, we’re just going to have a worst case scenario. You’re driving with a couple friends on a blunt ride, and you’ve been at it for a while. You see the flash of blue and reds lights and and the headlights homing in on your car. Shit! it’s the cops. You have other contraband in the car and you and your friends panic. Here’s how to handle Office A-Hole

PULL OVER

This should be easy. Unless you drive a Maserati Quattroporte, then open that bitch up and drive! Hope you’ve got some good driving skills because this’ll be on national television. Gun it to Mexico. Just kidding, pull over.

Tell Everyone Politely (or not) to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Since you’re driving you’re responsible for everyone in the car. Tell them to keep their cool and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should they talk, unless they’re being asked a question by the officer. The hardest part about being pulled over is being nervous, which is completely mental. Just keep your cool however you can.

Make Sure All Contraband is Secure

By secure, we mean out of sight and not within arms reach. The best place for stuff when you aren’t using it is the trunk. You can use the glovebox as well, but this requires that you keep your registration elsewhere in the car. Make a copy and keep it somewhere else.  When a cop pulls you over he has a clear view into your car. If there’s anything suspicious looking or blatantly illegal (bongs, pipes, dead hookers) this gives them Probable Cause. This allows them to search, detain, and arrest someone under the suspicion they’re doing something illegal.

Now the officer is approaching the car. If you’ve been smoking, prepare for the ultimate test in maintaining your composure. If you’ve been drinking, you’re a dipshit because you’re getting breathalyzed and arrested.  When he approaches your car, he will begin to ask you questions.

OBEY THE OFFICER

Yeah yeah, fuck da police and all that other stuff. See how far that gets you. If the officer asks you a question, answer it. If he asks you for your license and registration, give it to him. He’ll take it back and run the license, which can give you more time to prepare. If it comes back clean, then good. If he asks you to step out of the car you either have a warrant for your arrest (a.k.a. you’re fucked) or he’s suspicious of something. Step out of the car, and keep your cool.

DO NOT CONSENT TO ANY SEARCHES

If the officer asks you any questions that even in the slightest sense remotely sound like him asking to search your car, either stay silent or say “I don’t consent to any searches, officer.” They’ll try to trick you with questions like “is there anything I should know about and do you mind if I search the car?” If you answer no, you just said you don’t mind if he searches your car.

CONTINUALLY EXCUSE YOURSELF

This one is a little tricky. If the officer is pressuring you into slipping up and giving permission to search your car or he’s asking you incriminating questions (don’t answer yes to them), don’t say anything or follow every answer with “am I free to go Officer?” It sounds dumb but when you continually excuse yourself he can either say Yes, or detain you. But if you’ve played your hand right he will have nothing to detain you over.

If the officer lets you go (even with a ticket or a citation) congratulations!  You’ve saved your asshole from being pounded by a genoa salami. If you’re getting the handcuffs…. well you better have a good lawyer, bail money, or like braiding hair and wearing lipstick.

How to get out of a drunk driving ticket orlando

As all of us know, most guys like to show off their rides and blaze speeds up to and past 120. But we also know that revving those engines that high can get you busted for a speeding ticket. But other than the obvious reasons of getting a speeding ticket that is unavoidable, let’s tackle getting out of one, or at least reducing the price or harshness of one, that is for the normal, run of the mill, 70 in a 55 zone, ticket.

OH SHIT IT’S THE COPS!

First off, let’s start with common sense! Something which many of you lack, sorry to say. When (s)he pulls you over, or you even see the lights (even if it isn’t for you), MOVE THE HELL OVER, IMMEDIATELY! Don’t try going for a while to see if it’s really you (s)he’s after. Best case scenario, you show courtesy they pass and do nothing, and you slow your speed until they visibly pass your view. Better for the car to be in front of you as opposed to behind.

CAUGHT RED HANDED

Now let’s say (s)he is pulling you over; Do NOT grab your license and registration until asked! It will make them seem like you have this happen to you a lot (which, let’s face it, you probably do) and they will not show you any leniency. What you should do, as I just recently learned this, is turn off your car, take your keys out of the ignition, roll down your window, put the keys on top of the car, and stick your hands out the window so they see you are not reaching for any weapon. They find it courteous and reassuring. They will less likely treat you hostile and will be more likely in a better mood and give you a break. With that said, when they ask you, “Do you know why I pulled you over,” or “Do you realize how fast you were going back there,” do NOT acknowledge the fact that you do. You set yourself up like that and that causes you to look for “the excuse.” I’m sorry fella’s, but the “My boss said if I’m late to work one more time, I’m fired,” deal doesn’t work much anymore–especially if your car looks souped up.

RESPECT MY AUTHORITY

What you should do, is be polite and courteous with every answer. Don’t show that you are agitated that you got pulled over. The more polite you are, the more likely you’re able to skate with a warning. It’s just common sense. What you should say in response to those questions is “No, officer. Sorry, I didn’t realize it,” politely and calmly. Let them do the explaining. The more your mouth is shut, the lesser a chance of you saying something stupid.

LICENSE AND REGISTRATION PLEASE

Next: when they finally ask for your license and registration, make sure you grab your registration info first. This way when you grab your license, you can have your PBA card right next to it and ensure that the officer sees it. And for those of you without PBA cards, I recommend finding a friend who knows a cop and getting your hands on one immediately. Lucky for me, my father is retired NYPD, so I get them all the time. And now, every one of my friends reading this will be coming to me to beg for one. You should also know that PBA cards have a year on them, so I would recommend getting a new one every year. Some cops like to be sticklers to the year.

ACE IN THE HOLE: PBA CARDS

Word of advice: try to get your PBA card from a city cop (if you live near one). They are the most respected cards, especially out in Long Island. Nassau cards used in Suffolk and vice versa, usually end up with a ticket and a pissed off cop. On the same note, I recommend keeping the PBA card either in front of or in back of your license; this way, when you go to grab it, you grab both and they see it either first, or right behind your license when you give your license to them. It is imperative that you give them both the card and license together! If you don’t hand it to the cop, they might think you are too scared that they will think you are trying to get off easy, and then you will be shown almost no leniency. A PBA card is NOT a guaranteed “Get out of jail free” card! But it does help. Sometimes the officer will ask “Who do you know?” From there, unless you are really related to one, just say “My uncle (or aunt) is a police officer.” Do not use the word “cop,” as they find it disrespectful. If they decide to ask you where they work, just say “Somewhere in Brooklyn, not really sure where.” Let me reiterate, the less you speak the better.

Finally: When all is said and done, you should end up with a slap on the wrist instead of a ticket. And if you do end up with a ticket…my only advice for you is to SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!

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