The Campus Throne: A Guide for College Guys | Picking Up Girls | Pics of College Hotties | Entertainment for Guys » humor

Jockey Cannot Stay on Horse

Campus King — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 15:00:16 +0000

One thing you should know about Jockeys is that they are about 100 pounds. Aside from that, you can imagine that they aren’t very strong. This pour soul winds up losing his footing on his horse and spends 3/4s of the race dangling from the horse for his dear life. What happens for the other 1/4 of the race? Well you will just have to see to find out…and it gets ugly…

Bonus Points for Trying – It Only Hurts When I Laugh – Watch more Funny Videos

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Being a Playboy Campus Rep Gets You Groupies [Gallery]

Campus King — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:35:23 +0000

In case you’re enjoying your time at college, but the experience isn’t exactly the Animal House you thought it would be, this definitely looks like an opportunity to bulk up your college memories vault. You can apply to be a Playboy Campus Representative here. Bragging rights included.

From what we collected, this is an unpaid marketing gig. You get invites to exclusive college events (definitely sounds awesome), while getting some behind the scenes experience with Playboy and their franchises. We definitely suggest applying because it would look good on your resume to work for a global company and these pictures alone make our eye-brows raise. And seriously…dude…the models…

Long Live The King:

The Art of Mind F*cking from Get Him to the Greek [via @funnyordie]

Campus King — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:00:55 +0000

Here is a short clip from Get Him to the Greek, which hot big this past weekend at the box office. Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, P. Diddy, or just Diddy, whatever the hell he calls himself gives Jonah Hill a brief on mind f*cking. The purpose for the brief is that he is preparing Jonah Hill for his upcoming task of taking Russell Brand (Aldous Snow) to the Greek – Not Greece. Confusing? Yes. Funny? Yes.

The Art of Mind F*cking – watch more funny videos

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Sex on the Street [via @funnyordie]

Campus King — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 13:38:32 +0000

Holy crap, this clip is epic awesomeness. Definitely worth a click and watching the whole thing. Essentially, the clip is has this reporter/journalist that bombards innocent bystanders in New York and scares the hell out of everybody by running up to them. He seriously tests their patience and questions everybody about movies that are out right now. Why are you still reading? I said epic awesomeness…watch, damn it!

“SEX” ON THE STREET! BILLY EICHNER on SUMMER MOVIES 2010! – watch more funny videos

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Tattoos are not for wimps!

Campus King — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 15:00:55 +0000

Something tells me that this girl would not like it rough…

After getting a basic tattoo on the arm, this girl is screaming and squealing as though they are branding her with a cast-iron machete or something. I can assure you that we really did try hard to feel bad for this girl, but we could not stop cracking up.

Chick Has Very Low Pain Threshold – Watch more Funny Videos

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On the Set of Golden Girls: An XXX Parody [via @funnyordie]

Campus King — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 20:42:14 +0000

Golden Girls XXX Parody Set Visit – NSFW – watch more funny videos

Funny or Die seriously has to be one of the best sites ever when it comes to entertaining videos. In this clip, they visit the set of the XXX Golden Girls Parody. Need I say more? Click away, just be wary…this isn’t super NSFW, but enough to mute.

Long Live The King:

People Who Kill the Mood During Sex [via @HolyTaco]

Campus King — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 18:50:27 +0000

There are a lot of “do and don’t”‘s during a sexual encounter that most people have a very little trouble following. (i.e. – DO insert your penis, but DON’T sneeze during intercourse). But some people always seem to do something to screw the whole thing up. Holy Taco did a phenomenal job outlining 9 of those types of people.

The Over-Attentive Waiter

“How is everything? Good? Am I putting too much weight on you? Is this position okay? Did you make that noise because you didn’t like that? Or because you did like that? I’m confused. Is that bad? Is it good? Do you need some water?” It’s fantastic that you care so much about your partner’s enjoyment, but when you feel the need to check in every time you move your genitals, it starts to take a hot situation and make it feel like you’re a waiter trying to butter her up for a 20% tip because your rent is due tomorrow. Just check in every now and then, read body language, and if they want some dessert, they’ll order it.

The Cat Person

Here’s a complete list of things that cats give a shit about: other cats, and dangly objects. Therefore, they don’t give a shit that you’re sharing an intimate moment with someone of the opposite sex, they just want you to pay attention to them, so they start meowing or positioning themselves so that they’re the only thing you see. And even though you’re not bothered by a cat watching you while you’re doing some hardcore boning, your partner might be more than a little creeped out that Mittens decided to engage her in a staring contest where the first one to claw the other one’s eyes out wins.

The Person Who Answers Dirty Talk Hypothetical Questions With Serious Answers

Dirty talk is like playing in a coed softball league: it’s a fun activity, but if you take it too seriously, you look like a complete asshole. Durty talk questions are part of a fantasy that makes sex hotter. Therefore, when a woman asks you five times in a row “How do you make me so wet?”, and you give a real-world answer, like “I dunno. It could be that I ate a pretty good breakfast today, so maybe that affected my body chemistry or something”, then it completely kills the mood, even if you say it in your sexy voice.

The Guy Who Learned Everything From Early ’90′s Slow Jams

If you were boy born in the ’70′s, then you probably went through a phase of listening to “slow jams” by guys like Al B. Sure and Keith Sweat, whose songs consisted of them saying exactly what they were doing to a woman as they were doing it to her. But in real life, no woman wants to have some dude try to be all deep and stare her straight in the eyes while he says, “I’m laying you down on the bed that’s covered by the finest red roses by candlelight, drawing you a bath of organically-grown herbs to relieve you of the day’s tiring troubles. Now I’m performing an ancient love ritual of yoga body bends before rubbing my lotions all over your naked, quivering back.” Women like romance, but they could do without the Joe Buck-style play-by-play before, during, and after sex.

The Person Who Doesn’t Turn Off Their Cell Phone

When you have an erect penis or a stimulated vagina, the last thing you want to hear is a midi version of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide”. Cell phone rings are intended to get your attention. That’s their job. So leaving one on while you’re having sex is basically the same as bringing your mother into the room and asking her to scream “Hey! I have important news about your cousin, Kyle! He got into Brandeis!” over and over again while you try to reach orgasm, which you would never do (unless you’re German).

The Screamer

On the surface, a woman who’s totally into screaming sounds like a great sexual experience. But in actuality, it’s more terrifying than hot when you stick your penis inside of a vagina and she starts screaming like an injured hyena trying to locate its young. The only thing going through your mind will be “are the neighbors going to call the cops? Do they think I’m killing her? Is she faking? Is there something wrong with my dick? Is she enjoying this? Is she terrified? Are the cops about to kick in my door? Oh, god. Please shut up! I’m going to jail. Jesus Christ. I’m going to prison for attempted murder. Will you please just be quiet for a second?!”

The Cryer

Sex can be emotional, sure. But penises aren’t able to tell the difference between tears of joy and tears of sadness or intense fear, and those two emotions will kill a boner like they were trained to do so in a top secret CIA program. And if you’re a man and you start crying during sex, the first thing your lady is going to think is “a priest and/or uncle has been here before me.” Pedophilia kills the mood for everyone…except for Pedophiles.

The Dave Matthews Fan

It’s great to create an atmosphere that’s conducive to love-making, but running over to your computer and tossing on your “Pussy Rock Jams 2007″ playlist immediately makes your special lady feel like she’s at her junior prom and you’ve been waiting since the first grade to grab her tits. Plus, pussy rock is like Nazism: you either really like it, or you really don’t. If she happens to be one of the many people who don’t like it, then all she’s going to be thinking about is “how the f*ck can he like this shit music?”, which will dry up her vagina faster than any shammy ever offered in infomercial history.

The Person Who Goes Straight for the Genitals

Vaginas are like your roommate’s Pringles: they’re meant to be shared, but never opened unless you ask first. Women are genetically engineered to have penises put inside of them. They want that. That’s why they’ve gotten naked in the same room as you. But jamming your hand down there immediately sends a message. It says: “I don’t care if you enjoy the sexual encounter that you’re about to be a part of.” Surprisingly, women get kind of turned off when they realize that all you care about is spraying semen on them. It’s best to let her think that she’s getting some enjoyment out of this, too.

Long Live The King:

Chubby Girl Devastated By American Idol

Campus King — Mon, 31 May 2010 18:00:32 +0000

I have to be honest, I feel pretty bad for the girl. It still left me cracking up, but damn – some people take this really seriously, huh? This girl screams as though there was a twinkie shortage and her dad just looks at her and shakes his head “I told ya.” She keeps crying and screaming and then shouts that her life is ruined…

Fat Chick’s Life Ruined By American Idol – Watch more Funny Videos

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Baseball Fan Catches Ball in Beer and Chugs

Campus King — Mon, 31 May 2010 14:57:09 +0000

This guy was clearly wasted and still pulled off this skillful feat. After talking it up with one of the outfield/bullpen coaches, he seems to convince everybody to let him catch the ball in his beer. After a Willie Mays type-catch, he simply holds up the cup (as though he just robbed a home-run in Game 7 of the World Series) and then chugs the beer. Applause

Cubs Fan Catches Ball In Beer – Watch more Funny Videos

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How Lazy Guys Ask for Threesomes [via @assholeology]

Campus King — Thu, 27 May 2010 14:15:37 +0000

Threesome.png” alt=”" width=”500″ height=”330″ />Every guy dreams about a threesome. Hell, even some of us would take it if the 3rd girl was under our regular standards. While there are plenty of success stories out there, most of them start with the guy being cool, calm, and collected and not seeming too excited over the Three’s Company. If the opportunity knocks, remember to keep your cool and definitely not publicize is the way that this guy did.

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