This will be the most important piece of literature you will Ever read in your life. This will help you save lives, cure cancer, stop fights and bring world peace. For years man has wandered the earth without the knowledge you are about to have bestowed upon you. These are the most important articles taken from the Bro Code. Barney Stinson is credited with the first volume of the Bro Code. Keep checking back as we will update and add more articles when they become available.
Bro Code when Hooking up:
Article 1: Bro’s before Ho’s
Article 14: If a chick inquires about another Bro’s sexual history, a Bro shall honor the ‘Brode of silence’ and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than tell the truth.
Article 31: When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know
Article 48: A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he’s banged.
Article 63: A Bro will make any and all efforts to provide his Bro with protection
Article 68: If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. (Dry spell trumps hot streak)
Article 75: A Bro automatically enhances another Bro’s job description when introducing him to a chick.
Article 78: A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman
Article 80: A bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle, short of completing the tricycle himself. (Threesome)
Article 110: If a Bro is hitting it off with a chick, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome
Article 116: A Bro shall not kill another Bro or a Bros chances to score with a chick
Article 150: No sex with you Bro’s ex
General Knowledge:
Article 4: A Bro never divulges the existence of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a scared document not to be shared with chicks for any reason…no not even that reason.
Article 9: Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as “Gimmee three!” or “Wow, quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball”. It’s still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls…metaphorically speaking of course.
Article 10: A Bro will drop whatever he’s doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.
Article 15: A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.
Article 16: A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series, and Playmate of the Year
Article 28: A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight
Article 37: A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they’re not that heavy
Article 43: A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn’t America
Article 46: If a Bro is seated next to some dude who’s stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 Dresses.
Article 51: A Bro checks out another Bro’s blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down
Article 54: A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy’s Day and other official Bro hilidays, including Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13th)
Article 62: In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven’t purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they’re the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there. *Rock, paper, scissors for Bros.
Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros.
Article 82: If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologies to make amends. That’s inhuman.
Article 89: A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro
Article 95: A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman regardless of whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally. (The shoes tap, The eye redirect, The swift shin kick *D cups and up only, please*)
Article 98: A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event
Article 101: If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave* This is what makes them Bros, not chicks
Article 107: A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging
Article 108: If a Bro forgets a guy’s name he may call him “brah”,”dude”, or “man” but never “Bro”
Article 123: Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from “Beat It” which, I guess, two Bros shouldn’t do anyway, or at least not very often.
Article 124: If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Bowling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.
Article 145: A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion
Article 147: If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro’s back.
*Barney Stinson is from How I Met Your Mother which is on CBS at 8pm on Mondays.
